it feels like a boulder
thats crushing your internal organs
it smells like gasoline poising your body  you still wanting to smell more
knowing it is bad for you
it taste like blood
after you have just bitten your tongue

it is like a book that makes you cry
tethered to the words it announces
in love with the story line
completely infatuated with the fantasy it offers you
but deeply hating the way it makes you feel
you close the book
swearing you will never open it again

yet you find yourself running back to it
yearning for the feeling it gave
you before it made you cry
melting at the touch
before it strikes you with a paper cut
being left with a feeling of ambivalence
wondering why something you seemingly love so much leaves you with such agony