There's alot of things that i think about now
that sends signals of pain to my head
When they pop up in random moments
fleeting moments of significant memories
I once held so dear.

But i can't think about them anymore
I'm not allowed to remember.

Remember how much i miss the color of your walls
deep red
And how long i spent looking up at them when we layed in your room
The way the sunlight came in and bounced off the walls
Giving your room an eery red glow
even though you never let me part the curtains.

Remember how much i miss your bed spread
how much comfier it was then mine
The amount of time we spent entangled in them watching movies and playing games
Kissing
touching
I feel you most when i'm alone
I feel your ghost still around.

Remember how much i miss having my fingers tangled in your hair
Or the way you were scared of being alone when it rained hard
When we went to the theme park for my birthday and we got on the ride i was terrified of
But you were so excited about it and so brave
so in some way
I enjoyed it more with you.

Definitely not allowed to remember when you took me on our first date
you made me try your salad and i almost puked
You got overexcited and tipped the waiter too much
Or the first time we ever met
on that really awkward double date and the awful
Photobooth picture with them
we were in the background of 2/4 of it
And i'm pretty sure that was my favorite worst picture of us ever
I wish i still had it.

That's right; I miss your euphonious voice in my ears
I miss the time we spent together
even if it was ephemeral
It was the best year of my life
I miss the corny photo we had that so many people thought was oh so charming
Every photo of us was really
we looked so clinquant next to each other,
Even though that was all just chimerical.

I miss it all
I have dredged up that word about you so many times it's almost sickening
How i've wanted only one person for so long the mere idea of someone else touching me makes me
Want to throw up
I miss your smile most of all
so much
It lit up the once so quiescent soul of mine
I feel like this longing for you will be sempiternal.

Can you miss someone so much it starts too circulate in your veins?
I guess sometimes someone gets under your skin and as much as you feel you must tear apart that part of yourself
No matter how many years have past
you feel if you ever did that you'd lose a part of yourself.

Well that part of me died a long time ago.