Once again,
I got to fool myself.
Emotions are not to be trusted
I grieve before I
mechanically do
whatever they want me to.

Once in a while i stop, feel it,
Act upon it,
then realize how badly
I deluded myself

How does someone internalize
other people to such an extent?
There is no I,
but only you and us.

I am aware but not powerful enough;
It seems breaking the pattern is difficult
and instead
I break my own heart.