"You don't have to say it back"
This phrase
plagues my mind,
taunts my heart and
haunts my soul.

My beliefs are
a window into the world I come from.
Like a father's simple switch;
The one shown outwardly isn't the same
as the one in his house.

If everything I do,
everything I don't do,
makes me feel like I ****** up.
How can I feel worthy
of your love?

I will always love you.
But there is never any pressure to say it back.

Hiding my pain.
Helping others with theirs.
Taking on others' burdens,
hoping
praying that I don't become one of them.
It has always been,
and will always be...

A cycle.
Love has always felt like a cycle.
A recognizable pattern,
always noticed too late.
I love you.
I tolerate you.
I'm tired of you.

Like a toy to a child,
I will grow stale.
Doomed to being left to rot
once a newer, better toy arrives.

I want this feeling to end.
I want to hear you say you love me,
and I want to wholeheartedly believe you.
But how can I
When I'm not worthy of your time?

Like a child to her father,
I will always love you.
But like a father to his child,
You don't have to say it back.
...
...
...
But my heart heals when you do.