My eyes don't see past this tunnel of silence, but the tears silenced through this tunnel. It's peaceful and I'm still pretty anxious. Can't tell if this is a sign or a blessing. I'm pretty cautious but I'm also good at forgetting. If I had my way, I'd not change a direction on my map, there is now way of bringing or changing the past behind my back. **** a episode I do this feel like binging these manic moments. I'd rather be somewhere happier for me to forever enjoy it. The past gave me the power of strength and weakness. It's up to me to find self forgiveness. I'm trying to find a new direction and I'm running low on cigarettes. As long as I keep busy I guess I can be careless.