He keeps showing up in my head
Like a ghost haunting me
How did we get here?
All I know is that I cannot form it into the treasure it was before
I need to eat it without any fear
Leaving no crumbs behind
Why are the memories showing up now?
I think this year was waiting for this moment to bite me
And break me
Until I showed enough fear
So it would be finally satisfied
Tonight was the first time my tears dropped because of it in a long time
What more can I give?
Yes, I breathe for him but why does it mean so much to you?
Our friendship was less than I wanted it to be
I know that
What else are you trying to teach me?
That love is worthless or are you just enjoying this so that you can watch me drown in my own sadness?
Like I'm your puppet
Or your animal that you put in your own circus
I'll stare fear in the eye if I have to
I'm not going insane for you
I can have life without you
I don't need this twisted tongue tied madness in my head going off like my morning alarm clock
Life went on
So did I
I don't need you screaming in my thin ears everyday or for you to care
I want you to leave and never come back
Because guess what?
I woke up from this beautiful dysfunction dream
After all the pain I went through
And all the hope I tried to convince myself to have
I finally feel lifted