With a past of anger I long
to feel the passion rise up
inside me again
to feel enough,
enough to get angry

I sit here apathetically,
not caring, not feeling
and yet feeling so much

I can't put words to my emotions
and never seem to feel when I am
supposed to
I’m lost in these words I don't
know the meaning of
because for so long
I was told it
was wrong to feel

I pushed the emotions down
into the black oblivion of
my soul only
to be told later
that I was lied to

but I couldn’t feel
not even the familiar anger
that had kept me company
for years
and now I’m experiencing
this thing that
I don’t understand
and all I want to do
is know

to know if this is happiness
I'm feeling or something else
entirely
to know if its despair or
love. I never learned,
It was wrong