(written after he crapped-out): I've always wanted to do something nice for my next-door neighbor, but I don't want her to think that my intentions involve romantic love. Should I throw beer bottles at her when she's taking out the garbage? - Sincerely, Carl Van **** .... Dear Mr. Van ****: When I married Marlo I weighed 270 pounds. I hope that provides perspective. - Lovingly yours, Phil