I should have said it earlier,
but here's my "I'm sorry—"
I couldn't do it.
I thought maybe the first time
it was something like
the wrong place at the wrong time,
or it was just me being nervous.
I thought maybe the first time
I was just caught off guard.
But maybe the first time
should have stayed the only time,
because now after the second time
I'm stuck feeling terrible because
I still can't do it.
And it isn't you,
please don't think it's you,
I promise it isn't you
because I know it's him.
It's always been him.
So this isn't me
turning you down because of who you are.
But it is me
telling you I can't,
because of who you're not.