It's no secret that Johnny Carson loved alcoholism and took alcoholism lessons for 4 years from crazy-*** **** Van ****, yet failed to become an alcoholic.  In his diary Carson scribbled in crayon: "I did everything **** told me to do: jumping off the Empire State Building; having lunch with black women; rolling logs off the Empire State Building, and yet nothing made me an alcoholic. It seems that Jesus has other plans for me."