Sep 5
Beats my heart sporadically inside my chest
I know what and how I feel but mere words could never express
I am sick of this seemingly lack of happiness. Peace is just a fabled myth. If it's me you ask for all these years I've sought after it like it was an easy task.
Days seem to go by in a flash.
The beautiful pain burning down til nothing is left but ash.
As the dawn begins to slowly fade like the shadows from the night.
It's entirely possible that my eyes just aren't quite right
I have been gifted with a blessing, a curse of a different kind of sight.
That knows no bounds, no dark, no light
It sees all time both fast forward and behind. Sometimes I think I would rather be blind.
Being separated from these ties that bind
Have me searching for the comfort that very seldom I find. I travel far enough outside of my own mind.
These memories that soon fade into images dark disappearing fast
Were not meant to ******* forever last it does remind us of our past
where it wounds our souls so vast
Such pain we never could have seen in our forecast.
Sometimes my loved ones that are already on the other side tempt me to ride. Ride the pride.
I am hoping God let's all of these transgressions slide.
I try to take it all in great stride.
I struggle to push it all aside
For sometime now I have wanted to reclaim the tears I have cried.
I especially failed although I tried it to no avail.
In vain and desperation I find myself turning in full circles on this carousel.
Until I start to feel rather unwell. To be forever trapped in ones head is a special kind of hell
I want to think I am more than a throwed off character in a disturbing fairy tale. I hate when all the smoke in the room grows stale
Ask me no **** questions and no lies will I sell.
Thick clouds I blow because in fact I smoke strong
I've been standing at this impasse way too **** long
One day I'll figure out exactly where I belong staring off into nothing as I continue to hit the ****.
The person that I once was is now gone.
Perhaps one I'll get something right instead of doing it all wrong
A new rhythm a different melody, another tune
That reminds me that indeed somewhere out there is a neon moon. I go Stark raving mad and start laughing like a ****** toon
It feels like I'm being crushed under the weight of the pending doom
That has me completely closed in inside of the room
So that it is almost as dark as a tomb.
There are no rays of tainted light to cut through the gloom.
Randomly little pieces of myself are beginning to disappear so while looking out windows clear
I wonder if anyone that is there is even really here
The words that I write couldn't be more sincere I hold on tightly to the things I cherish and those that I hold dear.
Hold my throttle, Hold my beer, Hold my sorrow, hold my fear.
Hold me close as I hold you near.
Days often fly by like minutes and sometimes minutes drag on for what feels like days.
Not one of us is perfect we are all set in our own ways. I think I somehow I
fell right into the craze
I find myself reeling in a fantastic daze
Head up in the clouds of a purple haze
This is no passing phase. Silver tongued I can easily coin a phrase.
So often my chosen path leads me astray. The YouTube song list just blares away stuck on replay
As is soothes the savage beast that currently I'm trying to hold at bay.
Every other sentence I write sounds at least to me so cliche
It doesn't matter though no one listens to me anyway
I would much rather rule the night than seize the day.
Every word that is softly utter drips with so much disdain. It would do no **** the good for me to complain.
In this hell of my own creation I am destined to remain
These shadows truly seem like they contain
The more nortious bits of me that are often quite ****** and profane
My world will never again feel the same
Not since I lost my cousin Billy Wayne. To say the least that is a **** shame. Rather it's another Dimension or a different plane
I am here just writhing in the pain. It leaves me often as start to entertain these thoughts so **** inhumane. It's not an action that I could even explain. It all rattles around loudly inside my brain. I am not sane going crazy I am only crazy when I go sane. I thank God for this Mary Jane I have wrapped in cellophane.
A rose that you call by another name is just as sweet for it smells the same
Sometimes I wonder if I am really fine when talking to inanimate objects myself I often find
They say to error is human but to forgive is divine.
I believe that with this whole heart of mine.
I push down so **** deep all of this emotion
Pushing it deeper than the deepest ocean
Truly alive now where at one time I was just going through the motion.
What's going on there seems to be a lot of commotion
It's like somehow I was the one that was chosen. in a Single moment I was frozen
our destiny's are already woven
That sent a spark that triggered the implosions
That have broken me wide open
Sometimes I think that all of us human are bound to make mistake after mistake
In my very ******* wake I leave everything on completely devastate
Especially as of late I have no doubt these problems of mine I alone create.
More often than not it's when I am not thinking straight and I am unable to concentrate
Life is what I complicate when these evil thoughts I contemplate
Feelings go ignored unable to regulate
The voices inside of head spark a debate
As their meetings I facilitate
I hate to hurry up just so that I can wait
I can't help but to ******* self medicate
Isn't addiction just great
When the voices I hear in my head adopt plans of homicide them I must exonerate
I try at least to keep them half *** on sedate
I'm a **** up you're **** straight
I've made a mess of my mental state
I don't wish to repeat my history
I have more than enough pain and misery
If just someone could save myself from me
Save myself from me and set me ******* free
There are so many things I knowingly suppress
Still quite a few issues that I need to address
I just don't want to end up beginning to obsess digging in deep inside of my brains recess until I finally just ******* regress
Another world I see when I look towards the wild blue yonder as off this yellow brick road I begin to wander
There are deep thoughts I often ponder
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
I don't know what else I should say perhaps I've already said it all
Hopefully I will be able to stand tall perhaps if I move I will not falter nor will I fall. I just pray that this time I don't end up losing my mind in the bathroom stall of some forgotten yet rather ungodly hall
I strive to do better, to be more, to keep in sight what I am fighting for
Reminding myself as well as others that God opens a window when he closes a door.
I have no doubt I can feel it deep down inside my very core
We all wonder sometimes what kind of fate Destiny has in store
To God in heaven I implore
Please I can't handle going through anything painful anymore
Just like I am standing still time passes me right by
That is when I'm in desperate need of iron clad alibi
Some sort of fabricated fiction or even a down right lie
Would be better than saying I was out somewhere climbing higher to get myself high
Forever chasing smoke clouds and spirits but I don't know why
With all of my sin
I must contend
Not giving up but pushing on until the end. I hope that when I blowing in the rising wind I don't break that I just bend
Family decision we all have a different vision
All of us diseased by some sort of addiction
This woebegone tale is fact Instead of fiction
In fact it appears to be a family tradition
I myself am on another mission
To rewrite our story a drug free edition.
I am done I've said just about all I care to say tonight
My soul I truly did outpour with every word that I did write
Finally dwindling down the flames burning in my hell aren't so bright, they only slightly illuminate the night. I am higher than a ******* kite but that is quite alright for it is time for bed sweet dreams and good night don't let the bed bugs bite.
I know what and how I feel but mere words could never express
I am sick of this seemingly lack of happiness. Peace is just a fabled myth. If it's me you ask for all these years I've sought after it like it was an easy task.
Days seem to go by in a flash.
The beautiful pain burning down til nothing is left but ash.
As the dawn begins to slowly fade like the shadows from the night.
It's entirely possible that my eyes just aren't quite right
I have been gifted with a blessing, a curse of a different kind of sight.
That knows no bounds, no dark, no light
It sees all time both fast forward and behind. Sometimes I think I would rather be blind.
Being separated from these ties that bind
Have me searching for the comfort that very seldom I find. I travel far enough outside of my own mind.
These memories that soon fade into images dark disappearing fast
Were not meant to ******* forever last it does remind us of our past
where it wounds our souls so vast
Such pain we never could have seen in our forecast.
Sometimes my loved ones that are already on the other side tempt me to ride. Ride the pride.
I am hoping God let's all of these transgressions slide.
I try to take it all in great stride.
I struggle to push it all aside
For sometime now I have wanted to reclaim the tears I have cried.
I especially failed although I tried it to no avail.
In vain and desperation I find myself turning in full circles on this carousel.
Until I start to feel rather unwell. To be forever trapped in ones head is a special kind of hell
I want to think I am more than a throwed off character in a disturbing fairy tale. I hate when all the smoke in the room grows stale
Ask me no **** questions and no lies will I sell.
Thick clouds I blow because in fact I smoke strong
I've been standing at this impasse way too **** long
One day I'll figure out exactly where I belong staring off into nothing as I continue to hit the ****.
The person that I once was is now gone.
Perhaps one I'll get something right instead of doing it all wrong
A new rhythm a different melody, another tune
That reminds me that indeed somewhere out there is a neon moon. I go Stark raving mad and start laughing like a ****** toon
It feels like I'm being crushed under the weight of the pending doom
That has me completely closed in inside of the room
So that it is almost as dark as a tomb.
There are no rays of tainted light to cut through the gloom.
Randomly little pieces of myself are beginning to disappear so while looking out windows clear
I wonder if anyone that is there is even really here
The words that I write couldn't be more sincere I hold on tightly to the things I cherish and those that I hold dear.
Hold my throttle, Hold my beer, Hold my sorrow, hold my fear.
Hold me close as I hold you near.
Days often fly by like minutes and sometimes minutes drag on for what feels like days.
Not one of us is perfect we are all set in our own ways. I think I somehow I
fell right into the craze
I find myself reeling in a fantastic daze
Head up in the clouds of a purple haze
This is no passing phase. Silver tongued I can easily coin a phrase.
So often my chosen path leads me astray. The YouTube song list just blares away stuck on replay
As is soothes the savage beast that currently I'm trying to hold at bay.
Every other sentence I write sounds at least to me so cliche
It doesn't matter though no one listens to me anyway
I would much rather rule the night than seize the day.
Every word that is softly utter drips with so much disdain. It would do no **** the good for me to complain.
In this hell of my own creation I am destined to remain
These shadows truly seem like they contain
The more nortious bits of me that are often quite ****** and profane
My world will never again feel the same
Not since I lost my cousin Billy Wayne. To say the least that is a **** shame. Rather it's another Dimension or a different plane
I am here just writhing in the pain. It leaves me often as start to entertain these thoughts so **** inhumane. It's not an action that I could even explain. It all rattles around loudly inside my brain. I am not sane going crazy I am only crazy when I go sane. I thank God for this Mary Jane I have wrapped in cellophane.
A rose that you call by another name is just as sweet for it smells the same
Sometimes I wonder if I am really fine when talking to inanimate objects myself I often find
They say to error is human but to forgive is divine.
I believe that with this whole heart of mine.
I push down so **** deep all of this emotion
Pushing it deeper than the deepest ocean
Truly alive now where at one time I was just going through the motion.
What's going on there seems to be a lot of commotion
It's like somehow I was the one that was chosen. in a Single moment I was frozen
our destiny's are already woven
That sent a spark that triggered the implosions
That have broken me wide open
Sometimes I think that all of us human are bound to make mistake after mistake
In my very ******* wake I leave everything on completely devastate
Especially as of late I have no doubt these problems of mine I alone create.
More often than not it's when I am not thinking straight and I am unable to concentrate
Life is what I complicate when these evil thoughts I contemplate
Feelings go ignored unable to regulate
The voices inside of head spark a debate
As their meetings I facilitate
I hate to hurry up just so that I can wait
I can't help but to ******* self medicate
Isn't addiction just great
When the voices I hear in my head adopt plans of homicide them I must exonerate
I try at least to keep them half *** on sedate
I'm a **** up you're **** straight
I've made a mess of my mental state
I don't wish to repeat my history
I have more than enough pain and misery
If just someone could save myself from me
Save myself from me and set me ******* free
There are so many things I knowingly suppress
Still quite a few issues that I need to address
I just don't want to end up beginning to obsess digging in deep inside of my brains recess until I finally just ******* regress
Another world I see when I look towards the wild blue yonder as off this yellow brick road I begin to wander
There are deep thoughts I often ponder
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
I don't know what else I should say perhaps I've already said it all
Hopefully I will be able to stand tall perhaps if I move I will not falter nor will I fall. I just pray that this time I don't end up losing my mind in the bathroom stall of some forgotten yet rather ungodly hall
I strive to do better, to be more, to keep in sight what I am fighting for
Reminding myself as well as others that God opens a window when he closes a door.
I have no doubt I can feel it deep down inside my very core
We all wonder sometimes what kind of fate Destiny has in store
To God in heaven I implore
Please I can't handle going through anything painful anymore
Just like I am standing still time passes me right by
That is when I'm in desperate need of iron clad alibi
Some sort of fabricated fiction or even a down right lie
Would be better than saying I was out somewhere climbing higher to get myself high
Forever chasing smoke clouds and spirits but I don't know why
With all of my sin
I must contend
Not giving up but pushing on until the end. I hope that when I blowing in the rising wind I don't break that I just bend
Family decision we all have a different vision
All of us diseased by some sort of addiction
This woebegone tale is fact Instead of fiction
In fact it appears to be a family tradition
I myself am on another mission
To rewrite our story a drug free edition.
I am done I've said just about all I care to say tonight
My soul I truly did outpour with every word that I did write
Finally dwindling down the flames burning in my hell aren't so bright, they only slightly illuminate the night. I am higher than a ******* kite but that is quite alright for it is time for bed sweet dreams and good night don't let the bed bugs bite.
