I've always believed boys were best   I started counting first kisses   collecting them   I’d have enough tickets to buy a brand new stuffed giraffe at the arcade   I curled my face loosely over the toilet bowl   sobs of empathy and hurt attached themselves to scrambled eggs   I find it,,, I find it amusing that body keeps the score  
I remember the scent of my brother’s football jersey   how my mother washed it every night   I’m treated like a man   its this mad little crisis   I asked boy to borrow his jeans   he was mortified   why would he ever want to look like me   we never spoke about the jeans again   maybe we would have if I had to tie a little shoelace around the waistband  
I don't wish to be held and whispered to   I look inside him   speaking to the butler   I’ve never had that   this thing he spoke about without difficulty   was a matter so unfamiliar   I tumble in dreams trying to succeed in touch  
please touch me   touch me,,, if you want …   no one wakes up thinking of me   it may remain that way for a considerable time   I am not looking for a kiss   I’m looking to have what the others have   a hand held on the subway   Could that feel normal to me… ever… ever touch me I’ll cry maybe melt maybe crawl out   that I am no one to someone   I thought I was this special creation   your special creation   is there possible room for my belief   no ones washing my football jersey.