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Aug 21
i woke up, i slumbered into waking
and Muhammad's question of consciousness
while Gabriel ***** his ear
hello Taylor: the problem is me:
i can't imagine why all these journalist
would call you concerts safe spaces:
on the 16th of August i was sexually
harassed at your concert
by a bear-******:
i'm not homophobic but i was sexually
harassed by a bear-******:
IC1 or in North America it's called
a Caucasian:
thank you for disclosing that you:
i don't think the little girls heard you:
i think heard you
drinking wine
and talking to cats...
on the 20th of August, a.d.:
maybe you love christ maybe christ unites us all:
but i can't be the one ******* christ's
**** jesus no...
dutifully i collected your wristbands
from your little clone sisters:
clone me clone me
now i realize why women don't
want to reproduce with me:
if my mind were to spill into genes
and i were a great Khan
i would destroy this world with my
offspring
i with be: King Cain...
i would be the Khan Cain!
my father passed on the scarring
from rib to the shoulder blade:
the original story
of this little piggy went to the market:
we gave you people the apple
then we gave you
the bread and wine
i have only a shot of *****
with the added flick off a cigarette...
this is my blood: this is my body:
the blood is ***** and the body is ash...

i was going to write the sequence of
events as rat
of Wembley...
but i covered that: i already know about
where the good toilets are
at club Wembley by turnstile G
with Keith: doing the searching bags
oh so many tampons so many shampoo bottles
so many highlights...

now the thought is punching me:
why women fear to reproduce with me:
this Frankenstein i've become:
smooth over: horror:
originally Pinhead was a woman
and not a man
so Clive the Barking Mind was right:
to create a horror story with a woman:
and now, dear Taylor: your anti-hero
will make a reply and sow his seeds
of ego into the minds of the shadows
of these little girls:
i didn't feel safe: technically
i was sexually-harassed:
my 55 year old lover from Hawaii
clarified that point: so i raised it to a level
reporting it:
but let me tell you:
he told me everything...
he told me everything:
day later he was heading for the Copenhagen
Pride Parade...
he was working in the security industry
in America:
did the Adele with a $40,000 worth of stage:
logistics:
how men talk how men talk
and how covertly hiding the woman
in the humanism of homosexuality:
an understudy:
he felt welcome
i felt a tingle:
so wrong so BI
so BI so artistic i think we artists:
only for the posterity of the C.C.T.V magpie....
the C.C.T.V. magpie the trinity
now complete with ᚺᚢᚷᛁᚾᚾ

H Mn...

    hmm... Mandala of Mendeleyev... hydrogen
and Mn is? hmm... let me check...
Manganese...

   ring of origin: Magneto can't have children
in this universe of Z-men...
i'm a someone who didn't catch the gen-X vipe
someone said the Millennials
and
i came back from your concert
raising the dead
like the death i've become:

reading up on Tȟatȟáŋka Íyotake:
dear Nashville: dearest Lakota... says:
i don't really smoke in the grey haze of
afternoons: smoke smoke wink wink:
but i'm rarely this restless in the afternoon:
but i'm at work
and i need to write like i might be painting:
so i put on my sunglasses
and turn to the bulb of Beelzebub's glare
of pixel neon and strobe of adverts...
one go: all ensoo!
one go one go one stroke one life...

ghost dance movement:
i flew over America
and landed in Polynesia and didn't really
understand the golf courses
on such beautiful citadels
of islands...
i saw such horror: must imply
i was born 3 hours away from Warsaw:
and my Poland is like a liver
and my England is like my tongue
and my Hawaii is like my heart:
but... i can't be there...
come and go but never be
this forge of the forever neglect-          -ed...
accent, or signature: that little        +
well: before i became a Swifty
because Vienna was really challenging with
Islamic           XY... the challenge of a
monotheism with polygamy:
but polygamy can only work within
the confines of polytheism:

i knew i would unearth my deepest concerns
enough time would pass
and i would come to the conclusions
i made in conversation:
newest labor!
if i were in power and had scrutiny on
how humans behave:
i would go pass the tease-and-testament
of the English:
the thing the Latins would abhor
the pedantry of the Saxon-Gaelic no no:
no Anglo-Saxons: the Saxon-Gaelic model
of passing laws feeling guilty and rich
this incubator of innocent until proven guilty:
no! you are guilty until proven innocent!
get away with it this model
of the ring of pedohpiles and homos... insapiens....
i would like to call them retards
but RETARDS ARE PROGRESSIVES!

i'm drinking and the afternoon looks sickly real:
maybe your songs are sweet
but you are sweet
but the rainbow brigade is shuffling my ego
as the joker card among the hearts
and clubs...

she will still need someone to talk to:
i can stomach the 12h differences...
i can't raise her daughter: she won't let me:
Reyla is already her own person:
she's good at organizing people:
i hope she ends up managing the better aspect
of Lahui: ******* polynesian spelling:
too many vowels!

         Ła Ła...        Łu Łu...

they used to write: AŁŁAH: oh oh! hot fire!
it hurts...
because christ explored sexuality
i was asked while being "sexually harassed"
whether i was on any network...
i said hello.poetry
no instagram no no
                     how you just wish to connect
to someone to talk to
no necessarily to have a ****-a-bye-bye-baby...
anti-hero my new favorite song
anti-hero my new favorite song
that's why i'm still wearing the bangle...
boy rich
boy rich              i'm a rich boy
i don't want to leave London:
15th Sept i've been asked to do a private
super special family gathering at Wanstead
London and you Taylor:

17th August i was at a West Ham football
match: strict language... football match...
no: i could have been playing backgammon
because roll of dice
and no mind games with chess...
so much congestion and constipation
of psychology:
drunks dreaming of being lumberjacks
mind you:
question...

your t-shirt...
you're missing a letter...

     who's
     taylor swift
     anyway?
     EW
                            you forgot EUrope...

it's euw.
who?                   Taylor is Taylor is a Freudian tailor.
i wasn't a steward:
this was opera and i became an USHER...
i was an USHER with Scotland 1-on-1...
Glasgow and the story-teller:
ooh: grunch: let the serpent in:
the scared honey-suckle the Eve... well:
Lilith: when you have children you will
be Eve: until you have them
you're the story of Adam and Lilith:
there's Adam and Lilith before Lilith is immersed
in giving birth:
apple my sin of the fetus?
imagine... the fruit of our labors will be a child
and that's the best metaphor we have?
can i eat my child like an apple?
but it's you and me having a conversation
about parasites
and the child and your body...
and i spotted: TWINS X-MEN pregnant women
at your concert exposing the fetuses to
the deaf and sound of your voice...

Odin to Taylor direct:
i sent my son Thor to make your religious base
feel welcome:
the elders agreed we are tired:
there's no superficiality:
agreed...
                      
there is no serpent there is no fruit:
there's just the baby in the womb...
there is no serpent there is not fruit:
there's just the baby in the womb...

let's keep focus: please... please... pretty pretty...
cocktail of parrots...
cocktail of:
those parakeets originated
in Bishops' Park: Fulham:
by the Thames:
where the Omen movie was shot
and the priest was impaled:
lucky you Taylor: you dream about daughters:
i'm shackled to borrowed dreams via
movies...
now those parakeets are just a familiar
with the Essex skies:
maybe i didn't shift the Himalayas into the desert
of Sahara
but i'm pretty sure i moved a volcano
and shot it into the sky...

18th of August was just weird:
Sabbaths are weird:
but that's how Sabbaths begin:
i walked home around 11pm
maybe later...
yes: it was 1am:
i went into a pub
after planning it...
met Greg by chance
at a Foo Fighters gig...
then planned for weeks to meet up with
Alexander: the painter...
well: paint is hard to come by:
can't paint these days
just enough plastic and shark-of-plural...
haven't seen him in 10 years:
i just stormed out
after a drinking and smoking session
and i just stormed out because
i probably saw a way to live and
we could be friends but
as friends aside
and not some crab-bucket mentality:
LOCALS...

Taylor...
there was something else... but i knew this
would become of this poem
i would know what to write
but in the process of writing it
i would forget it
because i'm not a rubric man
and i leave that to your organisational:
typos, stipends... i actually don't have
a word since i already thought of letters
and the sound like EUW...

oh... now i remember:

          ᛗᚢᚾᛁᚾᚾ

some symbolism having to complicate matters
with mater
matter
                        unless that's just an evolutionary
complication of conversation that
there must be a distinction of adding chatter
and bounce to to too...

                  two nights with the blood moon
halved into a peanut butter cookie
while i kneeled:
i'm bear
i'm not ape
i understand homosexuality like
a bear
not like an Islamic and African ape...
i'm a bear-******
two bears meet up in a bar for teenage girls...
they sniff each other's ears...
teenage girls:
the ones i got sexually attracted to:
well...
i did...
so i thought: mmhmm: healthy child...
that's what i thought:
i've been to strip clubs i've been to brothels
so a Taylor Swift concert was
like having eye drops with dental framework
of keeping you semi-blind
half awake and what not...

but Taylor: i had to file it as ****** abuse:
i'm an artist: i think: i hope:
maybe i don't write in paragraphs and forget:
forget: **** it: let's suppose i forget
to forget to not forget to remember
that there was this sick
prudish English and in general
trend in poetry that was so anti Greek
that words had to rhyme:
like.... painting: colors rhyme?
rhyme and meter it's like i have to be this
poet-bouncer this Socrates
who is to take away the straitjacket of rhyming
and give poets the quality of philosophy
away from the inconclusive persuasions
of the oratory demand(s)....

"smog": there were about only
4 stars visible in the sky from 16th to the 18th...
August...
Augustus...

     and imagine i was coming back from
last night's concert with two star-*******
mega-jigs... colts:
i've seen trainspotters...
weirdos... so obvious... but... NECESSARY...
absolutely... NECESSARY...
but these two colt Newtons were almost
exhilarating: listening to them talk about
getting drunk and lying back
grappling with understanding the mysticism
of the whole affair:
because they are scientifically bound
and were trying to compound
and turn science into mysticism
putting it apart is science
putting it back together is mysticism
and mysticism is not something
religiously-exclusive:
religion and the texts are defunct:
new mysticism arrived from
what needs to be filtered: via the new Pandora
that has always been Faust...

so i found a new route out of Wembley
after a shift...
i used to just stick to the right
and behave like a river against the sea of people
queuing...
but i start to dance while walking
through a crowd: ***** fast fast...
i dance there's no queue there's just a throng splinter
but you can find access on the sides
like a river and serpent
but not like a wave of people in the bad abstract
of a street...
that sea of whirls of the globe...
regardless: i feel like a ***** in an *******
into a woman i love
about to say hello to little moi...
weird thinking:
bear-******...

                it just felt authentic like two bearded men
rather than... oh... i can only imagine:
the mental asylum was not short:
but there are gay men who must discriminate
against the outlying... ooh.... itchy thinking...
itchy thinking: like a fear of ants...
but a love for spiders...
but you never see spiders feeding off ants...
so confused confusing...
then again that's a boost
for the narrative...

         i will find myself sooner dead writing
at night rather than dealing with daylight
deadlines...
hmm...
   apple... bread and wine...
   shot of ***** and a flick of cigarette ash...
o.k.
i can work with that: i'm currently seeing
where i'm at...
science and mysticism
science: putting things apart
modern mysticism is anti-related to
anything equivalent to Gnosticism
and Sufism...
current mysticism doesn't even exist:
it's in in infancy...
i don't have a noun for it...
i don't have a name for it...
like the verb and there's the doing...
noun: naming
verb: doing...
                                        being? it's not a noun...
it's also a verb...
star-gazers and educated too! they mentioned
grammatical words in conversation...
my kind of interest matter:
obviously left to their own devices
and they don't need my: influence:
they might reach 80 and find my poems
and wow: what a time-capsule
and a Erinnerung-Blitzkrieg!

                when thought: when thinking is a muddle...
Erinnerung-Blitzkrieg!
Mateuš Conrad
Written by
Mateuš Conrad  36/M/Essex (England)
(36/M/Essex (England))   
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