As I write upon these stale yellow pages
With a pen ravaged with disuse
I am on a search
A search for knowledge
For feelings
For emotions
For life
For something
I search with condemned desperation
For something I hid with utter care and precision
As well mistrust lust and hatred
The last time I embraced in its tantalising embrace
Ages ago when my heart and soul were still void of knowledge and corruption
I loved as a mother loves her only child
I embraced it as the moon is embraced by the velvet clouds
Yet I hated it as the neglected son hates his father
It gave me so much
Love
Peace
Freedom
Clarity
Trust
Yet took from me eo much
Lovr
Peace
Freedom
Clarity
Trust
Even though it tormented and destroyed my soul
I long and yearn for it
I still search for it
Even after my shattered soul
Even after my condemned destiny
Even after my destroyed dreams
Even after my grotesque life
Even after it all
Even after............... me
I search
With condemned desperation
I search