You don’t know alone like me

Seeped in thoughts and isolation
Regrets of how I couldn’t maintain a connection
I don’t know how to be
A good friend
Or lover
Or kind to anyone, especially me
I imagine a life of peace
Not rage
Or despair
Or endless longing

I crave beauty
In my cave of screaming
Sometimes I convince myself I’m okay
And happy
But when the glass walls crack
And break
And shatter
I’m cut open by my own
Shards of self loathing

Some say I’m too honest
Except with myself
I live in a delusional mindset
Where I’m happy and carefree
I’m healthy and active
Aware and enlightened

The truth of reality is
I’m bold and assuming
Enraged and pessimistic
Seeing things for what they are poisoned my psyche
I trained myself to let go
And I have
Of everything

Now I’m alone
Abandoned self worth
A sulking fate of nothing
Terrified of the end I historically accept
From the moment I was told
I’m nothing at 7 years old
I believed it
I gave in
And I’ve been fighting a losing war
Within myself ever since

I’ve been gone
From my body
And my soul
The tie was severed too young
And I don’t know how to return

No one knows alone like me