There has been so many times I have heard people say to me that you are just  very lazy, my dear.

This is your own fault, you have done this to your self.

I live with the guilt and shame every day, living with chronic pain
which will never go away.

The negative judgement and comments of other people that I have been quietly hearing in the background    before going to sleep at night.

The depressing and stressful memories over the years are constantly  streaming  through my ears and  brain playing  every day and every night.

It can be explosive at times as a titanic waterfall.

I can hear the inner critic, the inner fear that creeps around and festers in my brain.

The thing in life which is telling me constantly  you will never be able to survive, you never cope with living a good life.

I silence that voice more than ever to this very day.

I tell it that it has no more  power over me or no place in my own life.

I tell it to stop saying that I'm not good enough I'm worthy to have an good life just like everyone else even when the  critical voice has  been by far  the  loudest for an very long time and is  drowning out the voices of  every one else around me talking in the same  room.

I drown that  negative voice out with music, sunshine, art, singing and poetry.

I regularly do my daily physio  exercises every day.

I keep fighting the good fight in my own way for both me, my daughter and my partner's own happiness and life too.

I keep trying and  doing my best with every thing maybe one day things will be going  more my way.

I could feel like I'm winning in life for once but until its my time I must be patient and wait never give up and accept that these are the cards that I have been in fact  given and have to deal with in my life.

I need to start using  these cards in the  game that we all call Life.