the phantom: the opera: the walking out: furious! Deutsche Opera: in English?! (Mozart's magic flute in English?!) shoot met in the head and promise me a slug's death of brain trauma! later her the island her with the two sexiest names: SASHA and NIKITA: if Islamophobia is so fake: why all this sober not sobering Russophobia?! so no: Islamophobia but all this Russophobia?! RUS! RUS! RUS! RUS! RUS! RUS! RUS! RUS! RUSZ! RUSZ! now the demon in my sleeping hour of ego: spawns! if Islamophobia was not so... irresistible... then why Russophobia so tantamaunt... but the Mongols are no longer feared: or the Christians... remains to be said: ones burned the library of Baghdad while the others burned the library of Alexandria... RUS RUS RUS RUS! row... by any and all scrutiny of allegiance: alliance: RUS RUS RUS! i stormed out of the opera like the phantom... took my respite in the Spanish wine cellar... i, have, had... enough!

fog of ego:
or how:
people personify:
leverage:
their dementia
their bipolar their their
them us we us win no win
this transit:
these cages of psychiatric
allocated: loss of soul
as if it's: something:
"personal"...
that it requires personification:
like e.g. schizophrenia
needs a humanity beyond:
beyond humanity:
a face: a personification
a presence a justification of hope
for lessening the ordeal
of parasitism...
  the fog of the ego...
which always bestows upon me
daydreams and lackluster
and bogus parodies and some ghosts:
it i
i it

       it i
       i it...

   it i
        i it...

            delving into the potentiality of experience:
which is: on a scale:
"preferred": the subjective: suspect quack
or the objective: soap and fringe:
i had a word on the ready just now...
objective... not soap: soap sort of unhinged me
from balancing my vocabulary...

subjective: suspect and quack...
objective: surprise and apathy: a dog's bark...
because i suppose imagining ducks:
but there are just so many red flags
concerning her:

last time i made a woman ****** and cry
simultaneously:
last time i made a woman ****** and cry
simultaneously...
i had to write it twice because i might
have forgotten the: huh?!
the last time i made a woman ****** and cry
simultaneously...
and all this: to erase the peaceful abode
of stretching out in my garden?
seriously?!
i saw Jesus in the clouds and the hell he brought
with him...
i implored for guidance
i implore too frequently:
there's that dynamic of PAREIDOLIA...
which is not something pagan which is not
a creed against:
not something the Church or Islam would
wage war against: what? loose geometry
association?

the fog of ego:
somehow there's a mathematics of:
the reflective inspiration:
to employ consciousness to destroy the ego...
to stop, not think... not think is a doing averse
to keeping with the Joan and John and the Ss...
to reflect is to employ a tactic of
the antithesis of verb: not think...
pause: but then the world spins out of control...
then comes the reflexive inspiration:
which is no inspiration at all:
considering that: the ego cannot be utterly
destroyed:
any attempt to do so implies:
the ego resurrects itself and becomes
spontaneously active: quantum: a potentiality...
a magical disappearing act and re-enactment...
in out
in out

            i and my it of i
which is that: id...
    it and of i within it
that, which is: alias: i...

                candy pop saga just listening to:
Taylor Swift
long gone at the nights spent la la in
Scandinavia myths
no antinatalism:
but i killed the father and now the orphan:
my duty my freedom
perhaps i want to make divinity
a form of contending:
perhaps i want to make divinity a form
of contention...

i find no uses in life or people
i just find: circumstances...
and people so sort of punctuate the in between
like 1 + 1 = loo...
kappa: sized: floating happily dead
the belly of a cat...

but base: i'm happy to escape the world
the antagonisms and the blue verve... of the blues:
i might as well haunt
the concept of guitar
so life is this vernacular of the jealous
paternity
and maternity
so now i'm going to get my ***** wet for a decade
before you creep in
no creeper: dying off with my parents...

like i'm 22... funny things happened to toy me
and mayonnaise and
i can be freaky and 13 all of a sudden:
do i want a child?
how can i break up with you
so that i can still "be in love with you"...
do i have to write like teenager girlie
seriously?!
seriously?!
              i will do it a third time:
seriously?!

      pooh biscuit brunch: salt on butter:
perfect combo: why not a pinch of salt
in milk, then?

      if one is claimant of destroying the ego
then one might as well:
deduct:
the reflective reconstruction practice:
a satisfying venture into the realm of failure...
then the...
reflexive construction "prejudice":
of spontaneity my ego appears: then disppears
then nothing
and god and ego
one and something dissimilar...
females as drugs: femininity in the eyes of women
AVATAR:
femininity in the eyes of men...
shoving the suffragettes down ***** rabbit-holes...
but i have this calm
and this garden i have
the quest of Candide and Schopenhauer...
am i...
for the frivolity of the anticipated life:
then the fates disgust themselves and alternate:

it's nice to get drunk and high
and look at life with a sober see spoke spec said
i think i need to take care of my
mother and father before
i really want to *******...
sorry the Bible is just one book
and please, don't invoke the old testament...
i wanted to be least cruel
when you told me that i would
not leave ghosts in things
the books i read:
the records i played:

there! where were you when i was my
despondent and lost
until who?
until i found i again!
   again i and and i and i and i not YOU
NOT YOU...

      this love is like faking cleavage:
***** hiss fit of cats....
better and i courtier the dogs barking?
you want woof the same
**** different cover...
BIG flag...
not even RED...
you speak of Jason and Geoffrey and "Timothy"...
i don't remember
speaking about
Ilona, Promis, Isabella that much...
then again:
i'd only talk about Ilona and Promis:
but i try to not talk about...
but you you you you
you keep talking about your pasts....
as much as i love you
i don't feel enough love
in order to leave my father...
i don't mind venturing into aloneness
and philosophy stature: of status...

but you mention your exes so much so many times
i feel conflated:
sorry: you interrupted me:
sorry: who's the surrogate of learning
about geography?
your teddy bear girl is getting
her teeth checked?
sorry: the age is showing: already:
sorry to disappoint:
but to your relief:
i'm not going to go after a Taylor:
gun and teen...

                  youth and beauty is a sickness
of watching snails
regardless of whatever the hell it is they're
able to do....
but i'm feeling 22...
i just can't imagine the hurt that will
come Sci-Fi's way come Swifty's way...
when her
i'll remain the loser Poet
until i did: bad journalist... blah blah...
when her songs dry out and the momentum: shifting:
sizing up: dry...
                   when she languishes
from the perpetually immediate
until crowned: de-crowned...
throne: -ed: later entombed...

         that's a welcome experiment...
to imply the ABJAD
with LATIN... drop the vowels...
expose the consonants...
like already happens with keeping to
the strategy of
Chemical Nouns...
the toys are already in the sandpit...
but... it seems...
no one wants to play with them...

                 H₂O...

              meanings with ascribed lettering
in the alternate:
              hyper-:         a² = b² + c²

    ABJAD it already in place: to fall apart
geometrically and chemically...
into place...
Prometheus says my blues or not because
of you...

like we're 22...
dress up like hispters
and make fun of our exes..
ooh ooh so much arithmetic not worth
the plunder...
        
i am reminded: of my duty: of my concern:
that it cannot envelop
a gratification for the sense of purpose:
for man to love woman
is the greatest defeat
to have to avenge: with a victory
over nothing...
i cannot:
i have: restrained myself:
twice now: for worth of day:
masturbated without
claiming release: the ****** a world born
around me...
but i refrained...
and you were to: entice me with all
that: antagonism?

there's a point to aging and being mortal
and stopping grieving and hierarchy
moral authority
turn the other cheek
i say so anti-what's-supposed-to-be-alive
therefore the highest man
in example:
anti-

      in place of: not against:
in place of: instead...
like: oops?    not against:
to correct monotheistic logic:
which began with the Jews
******* things up with
the promise of the reincarnation of Elijah!

monotheism gone bad:
bad in the hands of the Hasidi
the anti-warring faction:
but remind me:
what other President of H'America looked so good
in order to pause and fist bump
the air...
regardless of conspiracy theories
the right righteous and suppose they could
be with the leftist and the "sanity projects":
control freaks on the LEFT:
not Islamic etc. blah blah..

                if not psychiatry qualified:
then lobotomy cursory: detail?
must meet mr. ***** Martin...
            you won't, please, forget:
the detail: that i implored you...
to come to me: all from you...

      but god forgive me if i still want
the girls to have all the fun...
i'm still 22... yeah...
like i need bus-drivers and plumbers
and that's not even my ego speaking:
ooh ooh i still need bus-drivers and plumbers
and you're the pop-out juice juice!
fountains of sunsets ooh ooh ah ah!
like my girlfriends give a ****
and won't later complain
and compete with all that materialistic bogus woegus...
like the prom queen:
i seriously wish she was born
in an Islamic country and was genitally mutilated:
rather than genetically improvised: as improved.

who said that? i hear voices...
i... who's i?
i didn't what the **** are you talking about?!
i hear voices...
i'm playing the wild-card...
there's... sometimes:
a joke without: a joke to give:
clarifications of impromptu.