i'm having inconsistencies creep up on me /
that i am in part /
so many things at once /
returning to paths /
formerly trodden /
now etchings /
          now sketches /
and all this to simply say /
cruelty is not born out of love /
but cruelty is the daughter of genius /
clearly portrayed in Schindler's List /
\ i can see it now
\ as clear as day within a day
\ as i see day in night
\ when the eyes capture light
\ the currency of eyes
\ that is like blood to the heart
\ and electricity to the brain
\ and to the soul what thought is
\ but ego isn't
\ since soul is without ego
\ should ever soul be doubted
/ then the ego cannot be doubted
/ yet why settle for such a fickle thing
/ as ego
/ when you can comprehend organizing it
yet that's right /
the ego /
construct it into a soul /
at least organize it with thought /
with intellect /
garner it /
in the garden: of all places /
to the youth of ****** of looks /
but the acuteness to read Candide /
and that's almost a tearjerker /
i can feel her now in my stomach:

but how long would i have settled
to say to a woman
as woo not woe to man and of man
irrespectively respectively...
that's the antonym of respectively, no?
IR
            regardless...
but if constantly reminded:
this is not your daughter:
i cannot have a child with you:
why are you a man if you don't want children:
?
?
   ?
   ?

        ? ?    invalid? ***** count low?
question Q question Q question Q
so my biological "reality" answer is thus
and now i'm not drunk
no i wasn't drunk (but i was, on thought,
and the cameo cinema of yesterday
not the cinema of grandfather Joseph:
i am matthew: the dream of joseph...

in my dream i woke to grinding metal
the sweet sonic zing zing
of a graphite shield cutting metal
iron by the looks of it due
to the amount of rust
so the cutting... grinding was made easier
now only 20min passed
and no i wasn't high
like now in the microverse
to counter the many uses of other verses
i will not succumb to the sobering
advantage of game with
foreign alphabets
i am not storing thoughts but emotions
perhaps that's why
there is no pleasure in ***
beside the utility of threading the existential
furthering
by count a child of each belonging
so that i answer Spielberg became a Bergman
with Schindler's List and i was
trying to communicate with script
shouldn't have but wanted to talk
and couldn't
and am i to think of superior intellectual
stock: of course not... corpus christi jeez and
jazz no...
but if all that remains of me is the equivalent
of the Kul Tigin...
then that's what continued from Cuneiform
and stone and who's to say
the bible is worth more
if the Bible was written on paper
then burnt
because it was a plagiarism
and a double burden on the Hebrews
to have carried paper into the woods
yes they carried paper into the woods
of Europe: deforested it
made it a feeding basin plateau
like a Mongolian semi Tundra
and that didn't take effort
to uproot all those trees?!

       cutting /
// cutting /
  cut / cut / cut /
// / /// / // / / /

now this was metal on metal
grinding
with graphite
the sonic whoosh and smooch of kissing
like metal or diamond
rock on metal

the supposed holy covenant
but how can nomads
have stone
or write on stone
perhaps graffiti on stone would be best
scratched
not like that idiot spray painting
on a wall in Pompeii
but why didn't the Hebrews
graffiti the Wall of Mourning
surely some rascal could have in the times
of the Romans
written his Martin Luther
on the stone...
but Jesus didn't...
no Hebrew even began to comprehend
the power of NOINK
or no-ink... however you want to spell it...
could have...
chiseled in hebrew letters:

הרחובות שלך

    (your streets)

השכירות שלנו

    (our tenements)

throughout the film you can hear
a murmur of spoken Polish
but then that ghastly scene!
that ghastly scene!
that Jewish itch in spite of what "we"
did that Jewish yuck and itch
with that scene
from Jews leaving Krakow -
the middle class Jews
the well attired Jews
with a little girl from the countryside
somehow managing to scream:
in English:

   GOODBYE JEWS!
GOODBYE JEWS!

now... personally? i take offence at that...
truly...
that is such a misrepresentation of
the whole Polish Jewish dynamic...
that has, seriously: tinted me...
sobered me up...

fair enough if the girl was screaming!
if she was screaming!
DOWIDZENIA ŻYDZI!
DOWIDZENIA ŻYDZI!
but no... no...
and i'm supposed to live in America
even if it's Hawaii
or better still Kauai?
no... nein nein nein nein nein nein
i've just heard of a European
revival of the Right and *****
of each Land
and people his own...

i holstered that Advent on the 7th October
of last year
the year 2023 when i returned
from Kauai...
this time round i just blocked her on WhatsApp
deleted her number
but kept her PO BOX
and her email
and that's the best i can do...
no more conversations
no more oochie koochie
over the phone no *******
no
no it was
just doing my head in this DISTANT CLOSE?NESS
clown lover
nothing more
clown lover...

             i still have the house to clean
and that's going to be done
since i already pumped up my missing front
wheel and i haven't been cycling for
well over 2 months
maybe more
probably since the end of Yeti and Mammoth...
3 months... March, end of,
so beginning of April: maybe... so so...

another coffee and finish off the cigarette?
yes, conversations with i
at least that's honest
and i can bring only love and honesty
from the bottom of my heart
since my mind will only invent
cruelty out of genius
that genius that's revealed in this unscripted
wriggling of the worm
if i had a pen:

Kwisatz Haderach in Marrakesh...
just sounds nice
almost pretty...

but that is the water of life
in my dream
in my dream i was peeling wallpaper
and i was almost scolded for
not having dampened the walls enough
a second third time
so that the peeling process would be easier
as the water could be drank up by the paper
and dilute the glue...