Today was the first time I felt it.
As I looked into that wretched reflection,
the feeling washed over me.
Nothing but self loathing and disgust.

I hate my fat face
and my fat body.
I hate my acne
I hate my frizzy hair
I hate my awkward body
I hate my limp
I hate my grades
I hate how alone I am
How unwanted I am
I hate how I can't talk to people
I hate how ******* ugly I am...

It was the first time I felt that feeling,
of convulsing into that mirror,
smashing it to bits
and using the shards to paint
the walls and floor a gruesome red.
It was a new feeling,
but one that I knew
would soon become all too familiar.
All too common.

Death didn't scare me.
The pain didn't scare me.
What scared me,
is to think about all the people it would effect...
and by that,
I mean no one.
no one at all.
They wouldn't notice if I left.
They wouldn't care.

Mark it down.
10/11/12
I willed myself to end.