hard not to begin aspiring aspiring to redeem oneself for a day's worth of suicide just by lying in bed and pickling the body and subsequently the mind by extension an abstract of the brain of what is material that being the left hemisphere which was fused with a nail to the ear: the word money
while the right hemisphere is strangely scratched and i don't mean the head i mean the vinyl mind scratched with little microcosms of **** and alcohol use
the day began at 9:30 today and i really just had to knock three out on the toilet before taking a shower at least i can justify knocking three out - purges almost bulimic and i know what bulimic purging looks like in the Roman ancient disgust with eating food
it must have been this disgust of eating food from time to time i wonder did the Celestial *** Couch'Surfer of Nazareth stayed in the Tax Collector's house for the time being since also active in the city as the countryside so not exactly alien to the concept of money
what displeased people most was probably that and the wisdom contained within money
render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and unto God what is God's
i can meet this faith halway and render it likewise away from the time of Caesar and even a God of Nations this Global God i mean: did yhwh really evolve to a global god from the god of the individual of Abraham say to then the god of the people as revealed unto Moses since Moses is the keeper of the god of Abraham and the god of Israel but a god of the entire world would be... perhaps too "ambitious"... how unlikely that such a burden would be conjured up by man... and not a god since nowhere could it be cited that yhwh would want to become the god of the universe given that he was yet to find foundation in Greek in Greek alone there would have had to appear a manifestation of the Hebrew rather than in the time of the Roman Empire and in a place like Palestine - jeez...
then so man took up himself to manifest the tortures and stand above the god of a people to become the god of all peoples and as such i can only return to this man as a man and say that i will consider
his 7 sayings
mt 6:24 L 12:32-34 mk 10:24b-25 mt 13:18-23 L 12:13-15 L 16:10-11 mk 12:41-44
but already i stand out saying and i only skimmed the others so i don't want to space out as much as then ask Muhammad about his take on ahmed-bahmed-mammon-head
so can be asking really basic tenets of faith say if i say if as if
Azif i say a demon helper because i'm asking not metaphysical questions i'm asking how these two camel and donkey jockeys lived
and the reality is pretty basic the Muhammad was a merchant and married an older woman who didn't give him children but gave him knowledge and ****** experience which means yes later could sustain wives but he was old by then and prior to an Arab colt and i wonder if so illiterate then who wrote down the **** book and i'm guessing it was none other than his first wife
Khadīja **** Khuwaylid - died 619 ha! 610! well for a second there i thought i might be wrong should she have died after just the basic life worn knitty gritty
perhaps like that mutter under the breath of the bicycle shop repair guy for want a refund on job not done personal belonging "confiscated" and then the ordering of a spoke one ******* spoke almost 2 weeks i say what service sooner i ******* watch a youtube video buy the spoke key and some spokes and do the ******* thing myself why mutter little boy at me i wonder aren't you working in a bicycle shop are you too lazy to see the potential perhaps i work lazily looking at people but it's still the same mantra: security, safety & service along all long yards of wage labouring if not actually laboring with the body all jobs alike outside the realm of construction and moving **** about industry of trucks and skips but come on... "engineer": the "engineer" took a holiday and i was misled that this wouldn't take two ******* weeks for one ******* spoke
let's get real this is not a nuclear war tension of a disgruntled customer not throwing tantrums but asking in advance before showing the arrears receipt i.e.
ooh - new guy, none of those passive aggressive Steppenwolf not so's (maybe, almost but that's rather moi)
'so, in your opinion, how long should a spoke replacement take, roughly 2 or 3?' 'well... given that our engineer is on annual leave and should be back on Thursday once we order the parts...'
'that's fine... see i've been waiting two weeks and nothing so here is my receipt and could i please get a refund and my wheel back, please, thank you...'
i cut him off before he could try to have a lie-around a way to excuse the service of this corporate cycle repair shop next thing i'm going to do is travel to Whitechapel to see my China-man because he only has an ice-cream van sort of space in a hole in the wall next to the Mosque and i'm wondering how to enter the mosque once more and just sit there perhaps just to treat it as a safe space perhaps just ask: can i come in? can i sit down and meditate?
i remember when i was in Russia that was near impossible you couldn't sit in the church because it was some disrespect but then all the tourists around while the locals had to deal with it while a mass was taken place and the priest stood face to altar with the people behind him and the people all standing because unlike in catholic churches there were no benches for you to sit on there were no three positions of stand, kneel, sit...
Muslims just stand kneel then bend...
perhaps it's a more comfortable prayer position perhaps the dynamic of 15min max 5x a day well... i am of the "first" but not the first and is it really a day for a bbq on the sly i mean the Aussie way of just maybe cooking outside not bbq like it's a party but like al fresco but not really not in England so just cooking al fresco that's nice... i think that's a sort of rich boy saying middle of the way to be able to cook outside and not in a kitchen with the birds chirping and i'm pretty sure Buddha has nothing to add on the subject of money and of work... i wonder what is considered work then...
if this camel and donkey jockeys had to say something about money then what did they say about work?
maybe... 1 Thessalonians 4:11 but that's no longer Jesus but Christianity... otherwise everything seems rather vague and yet work we must and work we adhere to and no venture beyond it in some madness of a suntan and the surf or perhaps something less troublesome as time unspent yet lived such lived as to decree O what is truly necessary now that not loving is worth more than loving and how loving was so claustrophobic and so ego-unresponsive and i know that i mentioned an ego-destruction but that's o.k. in a crowd but when one returns to one's own bedroom and one's own head and the person who was loved isn't there then surely she should expect to have a relationship with a "bad boy" in prison much closer to home because the fact that i'm writing from London and she's reading from Kauai last night i sent her 7 half drunken messages and then deleted them since i was also half sober so there you go there you go... there you are... easy enough? so, eyes turned all foggy and i was relaxing with the wrong sort of music and who's this apology even to? now come to think of it:
there was a change of 'what's for dinner' since it's raining on off on off and i don't want to be the local shaman to conjure up sunshine and parting clouds i kinda like this luster of damp and moisture and thinking about insects like spiders: notably spiders and how i giggle at my sometime arachnophobia (phew! almost thought i'd misspell it! and yes... honing in on 3pm and changing plans from a bbq to a curry)
... interlude... interlude... interlude (no ****)...
nostalgia nostalgia that year not so long ago when the sun was just a sun and below London Stadium and Red Hot Chili Peppers and i was still so inexperienced and only a pawn in traffic cone
and so careless almost devoid of love's interest...
steward of the household steward of the household in the old days who is to say that men belong in the fields and that women belong in the houses and who stays long enough to board the safe havens of a 'otel - no dare to wonder what role is this somehow emasculating because i find joy in cooking and ironing shirts and looking presentable and what is to say that woman does that perhaps like could look Victorian just whenever i ride the shallow worms of London notably the Distrct Circle Hammersmith & City and the metropolitan lines
oh i could write a poem about the London underground perhaps that's another project ride each line from one end to another do these little weekend trips during the week and be less of a bother to the occupied space i hear Ruslip is pretty and i've walked to Epping so i can say that much about so little
oh perhaps even now this can be seen as less an emasculating work title: unpaid who said all work was paid let's assume that there are works in this world that cannot invoke the relation to Caesar let us just say that there are certain things that have to be done not metaphysics usurped or whatever but little deeds that are governed by silent applause from a canned laughter crowd i mean rewarded without due but rather duty from want rather than expectation from a faceless man to a facing faceless man man i.e. with face and that negation of grace that comes when loving expectations are not met loved as in catered to and for... in some respects of... from the perspective of the essentials of life...
Eumolpus Attica Thrace Eumolpidae: the family... O once was the richness of the abode of families that the life we now owe succumbed to that family of Judea and how we are punished for adhering to it so... what jovial pasts were once and now no longer are