the idea of tattooing my entire back in the tube map of London came to mind only moments ago after dreaming up a host of bodies semi-naked with other sort of signatures no inflicted upon the left-hemisphere of the brain
as such, also pondering the idea of shifting the view of the world away from
N
W E
s
and as such to not combat the asymmetry but rather embrace it two islands of water in my cranium pushing away at and exploding grey matter into vacuums
not unlike the carnivorous protein of Alzheimer Alz Heinz or at least this is me rummaging in Martin's head looking for clues of me and him in me or rather nephew now reduced or inflcited the raise of being simply "friend": kolega -
kolega Alz Heiz kolega Alz Heinz
now i see the world like i see London to the south of me the great whirl of Thames - old water old father Thames with son Charon not admitting me to the Oval to watch the cricket
punctuated with nervous breaths after a micro-dosage of the forest in newspaper talk of a celibate tree found circa 130 years ago cloned many times but not having a mating partner must **** for a tree... currently standing priestly in Kew gardens i believe...
the spitfire pilot who dreamed of flying aged 17 crashes after a stunt gone bad the Reddit guy with the red lamp who thought he was actually married to his highschool sweetheart who had two kids and never missed a day of work living the white picket fence dream O America instead playing football hit in the head so bad that the multiverse manifested itself in his head
some cruel prank best not mention God and if i do by god from the age of 21 a bad bad bad trip that lasted well over ten years now everyone in the house is writing
i am writing my father is writing an invoice for Knights Asphalt for the work currently undergone at Victoria mother is writing a pPełnomocnictwo
to ensure care is taken of Martin that his hard earned money will be spent on his own care a cruel joke of early retirement plans spent 2 years drinking and sitting with grandmother listening to teenage music i mean if the brain isn't fried from inactivity not even a personal diary or reading a book where will the mind wander and how will it recline when looking at van Gogh's painting of the chair not a chair but THE cHAIR
words so close yet far away symmetric damage to both hemispheres as if metaphor for the growing of horns and in this happy-state obscene but certainly drank too much last night and now have the shakes oh jeez now the slight paranoia of the receeding high like i thought it was a good idea or are my eyes just simply glazed and am i relaxed is writing appropriate during the daytime if it's not required formal
i.e. W. H. Auden wrote that only the Hitlers of the world write at night but i wonder whether this is not a tease now my eyes are not red but like wax and my mother's interruption to avert my eyes from the screen
'control control to charlie 10' 'charlie 10 radio check' 'yes yes control, charlie 10 radio check' 'loud and clear charlie 10 over'
the idea being did my mother realise or not the tear of writing the document rather than: is her son hurting anyone by smoking the Amsterdam way the casual not London way of smoking i.e. **** is smoked in London in public and at large events with massive crowds me and a colleague of mine agreed that **** is abused like this and best enjoyed in private behind closed doors with music some whiskey and enough music to drive a camel bonkers
i mean: she did walk in and asked me whether the spoke in my wheel was fixed i went to the bicycle shop last saturday indefinitely one ******* spoke apparently to be finished by thursday today is monday and? a bicycle shop without spokes plenty of wheels on display a bicycle repair shop is more a shop than a workshop and that's the biggest problem no supplies of spokes? what are these, German car parts? if you can have a supply of rubbers then surely there aren't that many wheel sizes which might make you oversupply on spokes...
but she walks in with £100 and tells me: you can have it if you only go to the bicycle shop now and buy yourself a new bicycle how much money did dad give you for your birthday? £200... well then... off you go...
(but i really did start writing this poem trying to heal and i'm going to finish it mind you i still have 2 hours before the shop closes)
obviously i spent £100 on two packets of Sherbet and that's all the way from America and i kind of like the idea of **** coming in packets that resemble sweets perhaps this isn't drug abuse on grounds of legality since bought but in terms of how it is used and what benefits reaped then i imagine, yes:
when i first starting writing and had the straitjacket of poetry on me my heart was a mush of nonsense my brain was a much of nonsense only now can i see the need for prosaic more than ever and no indeed people stopped writing in the straitjacket of poetry within the confines of what came to pass in the 19th century and dissolved by the 20th and needs a reinvention in the 21st
now a call from Lyndon my company rep and no i'm in no mood for conversation that's why i believe my eyes to be wax and ***** and glazed and not even a glass of whiskey will make them look sober this feeling of creativity must pass as the left hemisphere switches off or rather concentrates on something immediately that i know poetry is not written like one works to grease up and find oneself a juicy duck or rather hunt for a juicy duck with no green overalls not rifle and no hunting dog like the ones used at stadiums as sniffers and the sniffers are gentle dogs because when the police come with their German Shepherds then boy do those dogs talk less bark more talk less bark more talk
and my how restless those dogs are even the sniffers are restless dogs after all these are: dogs at work...
hundebeiarbeiten...
hundebeiarbeiten...
we have the Germans coming in next week and i already have my all clear from the UEFA that i can work the event so here comes all the pomp and gravitas of the Champions' League final Real Madrid and Borussia Dortmund
hmm... etymology of names:
there-mouth and now i'm thinking it's a good thing that i didn't go since this is my day off but i mean i didn't go to the bicycle shop because however my mother thinks it the fact that i started writing again and i haven't been writing for what seems to be donkeys' year since meeting Edie and in the current variation of me i'm intellectualizing whatever it might be in the rubric of relationships and *** and friendship and i don't know what else but when i'm also working on my day off rather than relaxing with the family might tell you a lot about me maybe i should have done something like this tomorrow when they weren't home because i feel like i'm going to have to explain myself
this is like a narrative of a child or at least i am robbing myself of the biblical saying in how it is said of men:
genesis 2:24
a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh
how is that not the case are we in a shared abode could it be said that i'm anything more than client at this point someone who will subsequently cook dinner and is this not my own free time to enjoy my own freedom at least my legs returned to normal after lying in bed for a little bit longer
and honestly that experience with the Yorkshire lads yesterday was mind-boggling and mind-opening and ego-closing and ego-crashing ego-destruction how you can just absorb the energy of the crowd and work it to your favour and jeez i was never the roaming cleaner of my place of work whereby there was no issue with litter and how often does cordon 7 call in for cleaners and ******* bags and i worked that cordon before and i took my own initiative and sorted out the bags myself before but others who worked that area would waste control room's time by radioing in this minor issue that could be resolved with some personal initiative jeez i never thought i could write about work that was the antithesis of Bukowski's approach to work that work is the drudgery because honestly i think how the Nazis didn't think because honestly Jews were a fertile breed of workers so making fun of that they were making fun of that because there is no luxury time for the scholars and i mean the jews are the scholastic people of the world and some less serious of them sure they are not the eclectic sort i imagine in my dreams of worms and books and bookworms unlike those sandworms of Dune and more the reality of the Metal Worms of London and me travelling in them like some Jonah mind you i always held the oceans with distrust but even then diving i did see plenty of life...
Anahola Beach. Cannons Beach. Hanalei Bay / Pier - Black *** Beach. Kahili Beach - Rock Quarry. Kalihiwai Beach. Lumahai Beach. Makua Beach - Tunnels. Secret Beach - Kauapea Beach.
(yes, that was ctrl+c/p (some variation on style (returned to listening to music after interruption (paranoia receded (started raining (if i was a child receiving money i would have jumped at the opportunity to go get bicycle but i went today and the used road bike that looked **** nice was already gone so buying a new bicycle seems grotesque at this moment (anything new for that matter buying something new rather than used) seems like a horrible waste of money) the idea that used goods) were aplenty once) and people fought for them) and now no one is fighting over money) each earning it
but at a time there was a time where people had exclusive rights to money and others had no access to money but instead: WIKT I OPIERUNEK (bed and board) and would be the workers of the household of a people who were workers of the world and these people did exist and they had a history and architecture and since architecture is the best idea of what history is and a people become then yes the revival of the Coliseum i have witness and i am but a voice in the wilderness by now maybe i should have been getting married to my childhood sweetheart but what is thinking i don't know: she's with five children and an older hubby while i'm the rigid disciplinarian of grammar because i didn't love her fully because of her literacy skills or was that our shared youth or anything - just not a waste of this afternoon given it's raining and yes if i were a kid and received £200 and say i had my own savings in a jar of pennies and pounds i would have jumped at the opportunity to buy that bicycle and cycle happy-mad in the rain but i'm not a child anymore and i can't imagine going back to somewhere where the brain was orientating itself having spent so much time in the dark outside of the dark of the womb but not like some fetal narrative is even possible or even supplanting an ego into a fetus is like putting a scorpion into a shoe and a sock on one's nose: the general gist of: (i think jyst should be as relevant as gist and it even looks better on paper let alone the similarity of phonemes)
i.3. jy- gi- -st
not station of saint although both are used as is also st for street
oh **** oh **** oh **** oh **** oh **** oh **** KAMIKAZE YO KAMIKAZE YO カミカゼ ヨ!
カミカゼ ヨ!
I⁴ and E⁴
since in the following "magic square"
ya yu yo
ヤユヨ
there is no Yadam and Yevie the other story not told of the genesis of letters and by Jove the resting place of so many meanings deposited into Latin script... unimaginable wonders and overhearing my Nigeria neighbour talking jeez the music is on in my headphones but this boombox of bellowing conversations over the phone is unerving and that time i smoked with him in the night on the roof outside out bedroom windows i thought of Martin and his youth living in those communist flats with greenery everywhere nothing dystopian about it because of the foliage and popped up ugly hen houses never mind his youth of spent time talking with his neighbor out of the window in the warm summer evenings sharing stories and smoking cigarettes the one that lived above him yes, him, forgot his name and sur but him i saw him and a few others when i visited last and to think they are his peers and they seemingly congregated to a Wake but it wasn't a Wake but an Awakening to see cruel or just fate have her whims however to put it fate a cruelty will the justice or what is a gamble or something or or
too many avenues it would seem... gently massaging of the face everyone at work is happy that my beard is visible again everyone at work is happy that my beard is visible again and i'm happy at work because finally my voice is visible and can be used without a loudspeaker and i'm no longer embarrassed that i sometimes get tongue tied because maybe it's because i'm a Londoner no joking maybe my bilingualism is a phonetic retardation from time to time (then the music comes off and there's the hum of conversation and no t.v. in the background perhaps this too the unread messages: i count at least 29)
but oh **** oh **** oh **** what was actually going to see Kamikaze Yo! (maybe oh redemption mother calls and reminds me to go back and buy the bicycle and now sobered i will for sure
get some wind in my beard and in my hair glide with traffic but but but but
oh **** o help me "god":
confirmed work wembley 7th june 13:30 - 23:15 sign in 12:30
confirmed work wembley 8th june 07:30 - 20:30 sign in 6:30
confirmed work 9th june london stadium 06:30 - 18:00 sign in 5:30 (or as close to it as you can)
what did i book myself in for? a 3 day sleeplessness extravaganza?! ha ha: Bukowski and work... Mathias Eschlert and: arbeit macht frei; haaaaaa.
p.s. more like
E
n S
W
my new compass... i have to see the world differently not like presented on weather chanels because no the north is not up or the south down after all what is n.e.w.s. in space what is the Copernican n.e.w.s.?
best to see the world sideways, for now, at least.
p.p.s. or perhaps this is mother telling me to show-off my money if security staff get teased and abused at events being called minimum-wagers minimum-wagies etc if we can get pushed and shoved etc
well... sooner rather than later they'll nickname me: the Negotiator 3 ******* years in this job and still no physical confrontation ....