I tossed and turned my options in the palm of my hand,
already knowing the answer I wanted before fate had
chosen for me.

I over analyzed every word and every gesture like a
crazed 13 year old girl. I couldn't help but get worked
up over you.

It's been awhile since I was ready to open my heart
again. I am still so afraid of heartbreak because the
pieces are still lying on the floor from six months ago.

I've never had to endure rejection before and maybe
it's about **** time I wake up and realize that it will
happen to me eventually, I am not impervious to love's
bittersweet rejection although I'd like to believe I am.

All the times we've had have been reeling in my mind,
my dreams, my every thought, like a motion picture
film. moments we shared that I've never thought twice
about until now.

Times like the night I sat in your bed and told you all
my greatest fears and secrets. You said, "I just don't want
him to hurt you." You gave me a crying shoulder and let
me fall asleep feeling safe.

Times like when we used to joke about getting married
and we would laugh because we were best friends but
deep down I hoped that someday you might be serious.

Sophomore year you found her and I already had him
but inside I was jealous. I buried my jealousy and let it
go.

Times like the past three weeks... I had laid my head on your
pillow just like all the nights before but this time you said, "Is
it weird if I want to kiss you?" We kissed... A lot.

Times like the past three weeks... you kissed me in front of all
our friends, or when we were in your car singing some boy band
song and you kissed me at the stop sign, we kissed all night.

Times like two days ago... I gave it all up, I gave myself to you.
You said I was beautiful, you were drunk and you also said you loved
my ****.

Times like last night... you treated me like I was your worst enemy.
You flaunted her around me, you held her perfect body just
like you had held mine the night before. She left, I was hurt, you
were drunk again. I tried to help you and you told me to get
the **** out. That was the coldest goodbye as you slammed
the door in my face.

Times like these past three weeks... I've been sitting here,
troubled by your actions. Dreaming about you, terrified
of losing you. I haven't heard a word from you since I came
home to a different reality two hours away but it feels like
decades.

Tonight, I tossed and turned the options in the palm of my
hand. Should I go for it? Or should I just let it go? Sunday,
I'll be trembling, heart pounding when I see your face. I
chose what I had hoped fate would tell me to do. Sunday
I may face rejection but at least I tried.