Rim-walker, Foe-slayer, Guardian of the sword—
Beast-breaker, War-bringer: BRANDON of the blade
Who slew the dreaded dragon ‘ere the sun had reached the noon;

Bear-baiter, Snout-smasher, Keeper of the Axe—
World-tamer, Science-truster BRANDON of the gaffe
Who slurred the teleprompter’s truths until the mic was off;

Arms-seller, Drone-striker, Valiant war-pig Puppet—
Tax-raiser, Gender-******, BRANDON of the press
Who stumbled up the White House stairs, starting useless wars;

Let every mead-hall hail the clown
And toast his name throughout the land.
Raise high the horn in dread renown
And bravely feast in BRANDON‘s name!