Emotions feels like a wailing
Of the ocean
Thoughts filling up my head.
Can't keep them all straight.
Maybe I am in my right state
Do I love him, or do I hate him?
Do I want him either way?
Or he is only playing games.

He's all I've ever thought about.
No matter what we have been through. If I held out a little longer, loved a little harder, would all my dreams have finally come true?

I tried my hardest to show him, just how much love I had. I told him,
Severally I assured him
I gave him space,
just to please understand.

When I met you
You're all I've ever wanted,
my dreams come to life.
The unbelievable, undeniable love
My fairy tail love and passion
But then came the sword.

The two eye sword to my heart
When I thought I was finally yours. Not able to be myself anymore.
Hiding behind doors.
Hoping not to ever leave you

Scared to do anything,
Afraid you might get upset.
Losing my soul because he doesn't trust me again.
I find myself constantly confused.
What have I done?
Is loving you a curse

Battling my thoughts.
What happened to him?
Why did this all start
After I opened up my heart
And let him in?
When our happiest of times were ahead of us.
I thought I need to show you to my world
And we must be having a day together.
Hoping he loves me..

He can't think I'm this awful person can he? I don't know what I've done wrong?
I just want it back to when I felt like we belong.  
Never feel I'm good enough for anyone,
No matter how hard I try.
Always thinking I'm doing something wrong,
Sabotage myself and won't allow myself to fly.

I was mad at him for so long, not understanding what happened to us. When all I ever gave him was nothing but my trust.

My love turned to fear and I became scared to go on with Ife. But what am I to do now. I'm feeling so lonely.
Will I ever be enough for him? Will he ever see? My true heart and soul. I just want him forever with me.

All I kept wanting was things to go back to the way they began.
When we were so happy. Always hand in hand.
Although years went by and time has past,
My thoughts of you have managed to last.  

Wondering what if?
What if I just stayed and not accused him?
Would he have finally seen what I've been trying to say?

Will he see I love him with my whole heart? Without him I've been nothing. Feeling ripped apart.
How could he do this to me? Yet still have my heart? There must be something else between us.  Something hiding in the dark.

Asking the universe if he still thinks of me. I just need him for a minute. Please show him to me.
Then after so many years, I finally found you. But now what do I say? What do I do?  I know I need to see you, I need to talk to you.

Tell you my side and hope to know yours. Find some closure for each other. Finally close some doors.
Is that what I want? To close all doors? To never see or hear from you? The thought makes me want you more.

Is it just me that is feeling these things? Or tell me you feel them too. Because not one day has went by that I haven't thought of you.
Now please don't get me wrong, I don't only think of the bad.
I remember all the amazing, loving, treasured moments that we had.

All the times you showed me you loved me. I could see it in your eyes. The way you cared and held onto me, I knew it in my mind.
I knew you were the one for me, with you I would have stayed. You made me feel so beautiful. Every single day.

For that I thank you. For making me feel seen. I just wish you have believed what you seen in the beginning.
I'm just a girl, who got hurt by the man she loves. Never truly forgot him, and this is because...

Because what we had was real. The most real I've ever felt. Our souls created something together, but unfortunate hands were dealt.
I lost so much that day, you see.
The man I loved, myself and my fashion dreams.

Going through that alone was the hardest thing. Not to  understand one ******* thing. No one to empathize with me. I felt so empty. Literally life ripped away from me.

Tried for years to make sense of it,
But I realized letting you go
Is the best solution
Which is feeling more at peace with it now.
Although, ****!
I can't stop thinking about you. But I will work on it.
I can see that the spirit and the Universe has my back.
I will find love again
And I will tell you how I got it back whole?
April 1st 2024