i want it to tear me in half and sew me back up and lay like a blanket wrapped around me

i want to feel nothing and everything all the time and i want it to hurt me

i want to feel perfect and rotten and beautiful and wrong and pure

i want to peel myself open and let something that can FEEL inside

i want to feel the sting and the warmth and i want to understand

i dont want it to keep feeling like a whirlpool pulling me in until my lungs and mouth and eyes and soul fill with water

i want to feel comfort in existing and i want to feel like i can unroll from my armadillo shell and let the vultures tear apart my delicate underbelly

i need it to let me live and breath before it becomes too much for the scraps of me to bear

i want to know that it's going to happen and to feel calm when the waves take me towards nothing and everything forever

i want to feel the pain and the rust crawling up from somewhere inside of me and letting me go