cranberry

cranberry Feb 8

wishes are more than a thought but less than an action

i wish i was whole

i wish i was the first thought

i wish i could do it on my own

i wish i knew the way

i wish i wasn't a rotten liar
but
wishes dont mean anything

60,000 thoughts and feels a day and none of them turn into anything

cranberry Feb 8

my soul is a fruit

does everyone feel like this?
like their organs are being juiced and crushed by the fist of the universe and all the weight in the world is sitting in your heart

or am i abnormal? am i different somehow? did i come out the wrong way or did something happen after that? can it be reversed? I WANT TO FEEL NOTHING and be exactly like the 'normal' person i picture in my head

cranberry Feb 8

conflict and an inner war

i want it to tear me in half and sew me back up and lay like a blanket wrapped around me

i want to feel nothing and everything all the time and i want it to hurt me

i want to feel perfect and rotten and beautiful and wrong and pure

i want to peel myself open and let something that can FEEL inside

i want to feel the sting and the warmth and i want to understand

i dont want it to keep feeling like a whirlpool pulling me in until my lungs and mouth and eyes and soul fill with water

i want to feel comfort in existing and i want to feel like i can unroll from my armadillo shell and let the vultures tear apart my delicate underbelly

i need it to let me live and breath before it becomes too much for the scraps of me to bear

i want to know that it's going to happen and to feel calm when the waves take me towards nothing and everything forever

i want to feel the pain and the rust crawling up from somewhere inside of me and letting me go

cranberry Feb 2021

s k y

i know that i will never eat a star
but i think that they are
c r u n c h y

cranberry Feb 2021

title

i don't know what is wrong,
but something about eveyday existance
just feels off.
i dont know why
but i know something has changed.

this all feels fake

cranberry Feb 2021

help