I am a complicated human being.
I have been called cruel.
But I wasn't born this way.

I have been criticized and made into impossible situations.
Made certain to never trust the ones I love.
Gifted social awkwardness that stems the branch.
From a group of friends who didn't want to associate with me.

I didn't make the choice to be a ****.
I just had parts of me that were pressed and forced into it.

I am an anxious person.
Called weird, alone, unattractive and lazy.
And only my huge ego could weather the storm of those opinions.
I grieve the humble kid who couldn't survive the abuse.

I am a complicated human being.
Made complicated by difficult circumstances.
And in the end, I hurt a lot of people.
I made a lot of people very uncomfortable and blamed them for it.

I lied and I cheated.
I hurt and I blamed.

I don't curse you for not wanting to be in contact with me.
But I think I know why.
That you no longer love me, that I will never stop loving you.
I was a bad attachment, while you were precious to me.

And a toxic man is easier let go than a caring woman.

I'm a better man now.
I can trust and defuse difficult situations.
In addition, I study and continue drawing insights.
I've a great worldview and have not found inconsistencies.
I accept, let live and care deeply.

It would have been great to go on a few fun dates!
The me of now is a bit better at these situations.
I still struggle with many things, but my achievements long outweighed them.
My feelings have not changed.

You are the reason I am a better man.
I think it's a little odd that your absence was the initiator of it.
But maybe it was a catalyst in a brew already awaiting reaction.
And if I never see you again, my value for you will never expire.

It's the water in the lake.
and the waves crashing in the sea.
Where multiples and coefficients dance.
And the world turns around to laugh at me.

What makes bluebirds spur to fly.
And spiders crawl into the dark.
The comfort brought from a loved ones touch.
And their desire to never be apart.

Where the tide rose and eroded the shore
Remain the furrows of you and their long depart.
Clinging on, the desperate soul weeps.
For the hopes and dreams of a cruel heart.