It took me quite Some time to get here Cause I was attempting to Think it through
The thinking through process Was exhausting Every time I thought I was there I realized I had barely begun
My reward for attempting the journey Was a growing anger Alive and festering And a feeling in my heart
Rather than focus on rationality I began to sit with the feeling While trying not to take it out On myself or Lashing out on those around me (especially my loved ones)
Trying was trying and Sometimes it worked And sometimes did not
While I sat in between Waiting and wondering if Maybe the answers could be Found elsewhere. The more I felt into this In those quiet, reflective spaces The more I was able to Reorganize my emotions Which brought me to the conclusion That my source of anger Was a feeling.
It did not take me long Sitting within this When I began to shift Into the realization that This needed to be Unpacked:
My emotions of anger Were rooted in the feelings of hurt
I tried to point my finger at a more direct Source of this pain and Many people came up But I could see they were coming from A place of hurt too And our hurts were perpetrated on each Other in a cyclic fashion
Now I was on a roll, Unpacking the hurt continued to flow Now I understood that My feeling and the hurt Are the product of cycles That do not serve me
I was starting to embody This understanding:
These cycles are rooted in Unhealthy dynamics Installed and instilled Within a hierarchy Infused and embedded Within the power structures Of today but Moreso the power structures of yesterday
This was my call to action
Flowing further Led me to the knowing that To assist with restructuring These dynamics might be the greatest gift I could give to those I love
Within this knowing, I decided An army of one Would not do
So I got to work on building an army of two
Shared at Heart Haven on October 28, 2023 with my EFT cohort.