In the beginning, it was...sublime.
you changed me; made me better.
moments sighs touches caresses, skin on skin
burned into my memory.

                                                               ­                    Remembering it now; a small
                                                                                   shiver running up my spine.
                                                                ­                   A deep breath to calm.

In the beginning, you made me feel beautiful.
Desired.
Wanted.
New experiences for me; never felt before.
Nobody took the time to look at me the way you did.
And nobody has taken the time since.

                                                         ­                             Another shiver.
                                                                ­                      Another deep breath.

In the beginning it was fire.
But a flame soon fades away.
The secret escaped, and you backed away.
Leaving me stranded. And alone.

                                                         ­                            Deep breath.

You stole my happiness, and left me
swirling in a sea of doubt; no raft
of self-confidence for me to cling to.
There were a few times it seemed
you were holding out your hand.
But you were only leading me on,
jerking the raft out of my reach every time.

                                                               ­                Deep breath breathe breathe
                                                         ­                      don't forget to breathe.

In the end, it was ice.
No heat no love no help nothing's wrong
I'm fine, really.
As I continued to carve out my pain on my own skin.
You wouldn't notice now, but the scars are still there.
Lines in the sand.


                                                      Took me over a year to get my happiness back,
                                                           ­        with some help from a few good friends
                                                                ­     I found my own raft. I rescued myself.
                                                         ­               But at a cost.
                                                                ­        The ice is still there. It holds my heart
                                                           ­                     because I am afraid.
                                                                ­                I am afraid to let the ice crack
                                                           ­                     to let someone else in
                                                              ­                  what if it's too good to be true
                                                            ­                    what if I'm not good enough
                                                          ­                      what if
                                                                ­                what if.


My heart stays frozen.