This land I have been in,
I ache for it
My heart has never ached for something like this.. that terrifies me
Being there will be some of confirmation that I have made it
Maybe just maybe I could be a human there
Affected by nothing and everything all at the same time
That in-between state always eludes me

I am back
Once more into the cage
Everything is the same as it was when I left
My old tracksuit on my bed, the shiny porcelain tiles, white curtains, polka dot duvet
Something about this familiarity is overwhelming
I clean up the mess I made before I left... try to convince myself that it isn't so bad all the while crossing my fingers tightly for that trap door to appear from nowhere

I felt like I was somebody when I was there
I felt significant
I was somebody else, someone I should be
I was a person among people
I belonged

Now I feel completely depleted, even more so than before.