I will never understand why I wasn't good enough for you

I cannot wrap my head around the fact that coming home to me was never your true dream
When I know I am someone's dream,
When I know that I wasn't always
Your worst
Nightmare

It's a struggle to look in the mirror, to be proud of the face and body I am forced to wear
When you choose that over this and never thought
Twice

I cannot truly fathom the depth of this betrayal
Cannot believe I held up the four walls around us, carved out our paths, let you exist in safety and love
To have the rug pulled out from under me again

I could never quite explain
Why I stayed, why I endured
Besides to say it was love that made me stupid
Faith and trust that made me shake my deepest fears, made me look the other way when the first signs of the ship sinking should have been
Enough.

I will never be able to shake the fear
That someone else will promise me the world, the sun, stars
That someone else will promise me they'll stay,
that someone else will try to love me
That this isn't how my story ends,
And that they too will break every last oath, pinky swears be ******,
And that I will never sleep soundly
Again.