It's so hard to explain my grief Because life with you made me meek Once an outspoken, strong-willed, creative girl Turned quiet, despondent, afraid of the world All because you swore it was bleak The world would never have sight of me. Your "star child", your "shadow" Perfect, smart, talented and divine But those were just lies To keep up your guise At home I was weak, tired, pathetic and lazy You did everything for me But you were sure To never let me learn.
Learning meant growing And growing meant leaving Bursting out of my cage Growing meant you didn't have a narrative So I didn't get to learn skills One would think were imperative
I stopped hoping for growth Became complacent, I held up my end of our unspoken oath. Still, I tried to get out of it Time and time again But death never did win. I began to hate I chose everything not to be you Still i couldn't leave you Still you were my mother. Even though you caused my aching, I refused to leave the woman who made me.
And I knew you'd never do the same Yet I remained To help you pick up the pieces But youd never take blame You'd say I was deranged I was just playing games When you were the one who put these rules in place.
But I know better now That person you became, Was all a symptom of a much bigger play..
You thought I hadn't noticed it.. Your remedy, your medicine. You hid in a bottle, You'd swear the doctor said so But it was killing you You said in time It would fix everything But we didn't get time, did we?
That day, I found you Cold and blue. Frozen in place, like ice. I held your hand For the very last time...
I finally put the pieces together mother You were dependent On medicine Finding the perfect cure For your brokenness But in the end, You just broke us.