How are you? They ask
I reply:

"I am fine."
I say that every morning
I say that to everyone
I say that to myself in the mirror...everyday
Change has found me and my life in many ways
But I feel nothing has changed
I am still...me.


How are you? They ask
I hesitate...I reply:

"I am.....fine."
Something feels off.
An undercurrent of unease travels through me
I dunno what, how or why
I have not changed yet I am not the same.
I read books right? Yes but not as much as I used to
I listen to music? Yes...but not as much
And not the same stuff anymore.
I watch movies? Yes but rarely
So I am fine but I am also not myself.


How are you? They ask
I pause....I reply.

"I....am fine......"

Pause.

I....am.
I........am not sure I am fine.
I was.....fine
I used to be....but right now
Right here...in the present...I do not know
I am not sure anymore....
I feel.....disconnected
Like Humpty Dumpty, I feel like a mosaic of fragments
Broken, cracked and yet whole
With all my pieces in the wrong places, the wrong order
I feel normal yet I also feel wrong

How are you? They ask
I reply .....

"I am not fine"
Bits and pieces of my being exist
But not in the right places
I am
I exist
I live
I am myself but not the same
I feel like facsimile, a broken copy
I used to be whole
Now, I am just bits and pieces masquerading as a whole