You asked me what's wrong
you looked at my face
really looked at me
you said I am so sorry
you said
would you like a hug
I nodded
you hugged me and pulled me so close
I felt your heart beating
I never wanted the moment to stop
and that's when I realized
how lonely and
starved for touch I am
when I see other people my age
having friends
and relationships
and having adult jobs
I cry inside
my soul starves inside
asking
how long
until its my turn?
when will it be my turn??
Its been so hard for me to ask for what I want
for I feel so starved for affection
but I told my friend to
respect me and my time
for if I don't care for myself
how can anyone else truly care for me?
true love
true care
is not being treated as a second option
its not someone calling you out of guilt
its not someone stepping on your boundaries
apologizing
and than doing it again
its not making someone wait for you all the time.

I am still waiting for it to be my turn
but I am learning to choose myself first.
as painful and as hard as that is
to be truly alone
in this world.

For not many I think
truly care for me at the moment.

It hurts so much!

I think I have lived my whole life
with an open bleeding broken heart.

I cope with music and with art.

I feel so behind everyone else in life.

Now when its war time
I can't help but feel,
now everyone knows how it feels
to live
with so much trauma.

Still I don't want pity
I want healthy connections
and a meaningful life
filled with so many beautiful safe adventures
I will never ever give up .