today was the first day
after over four months
that I created art from food
the first time since
I left that place
I once called home

It is seemingly meaningless
So typical, so insignificant
But I felt the deep stinging pain
The one of not belonging
The one of fear, of loneliness
The one that slapped me
right across the face

How could something I
once loved so be deeply
poisoned by a memory
pushed so deep down
I barely remember it

My body, betrays me
with these crippling feelings
of pain, anxiety, my world
starts to blur, shake

They told me I was getting better
I was stupid enough to believe
Healing, such a silly phrase
I mock now, to mask the pain.