How do I always love more
Than I am loved in return?
My best friend, who can't even
Look me in the eye
And can't bear
To speak to me in public
And won't tell me why.

The mother, who can't
Even really love at all
Consumed in her past
Her silver hairs and loss of grace
She feels so bad for herself
I don't know what to feel for her.

The father, my childhood idol
My companion --
But now that's done
As soon as I became a woman,
All I am is "not son --"
Not quite what he wanted
Not the physicist to take his place.

My brother, ADHD
Incapable of having a conversation
Or keeping friends
Or understanding kindness
Supported in everything by
His father.

The world, unfeeling
Trees, unseeing
Wind, unhearing --
I love them all
Even my stupid hamster
Who I save from her own
Suicide attempts --
She will only bite me, but
I hold her more than I hold any
Living human
Close to my beating heart
Because her teeth are not as sharp
As the silence
On the other end of the phone.