You all treat me poorly
I'm so broken inside
I don't think there's any cure
I've run and practiced yoga
Read and written
Medicated
What else can I do?
You all keep shutting me down
At every word
Every syllable
Every groan
It hurts me to know that I'll look back on my childhood
And resent every cell in your body
If I do move forward
Which I'm not sure I will
I'll never look back at the faces
That said
I was...
...egocentric
...ungrateful
...stupid
...ignorant
...ugly
­...self consumed
I've made a list
Of all the cutting words you've spoken
I'll never look back at your faces
I don't want to see anything that resembles you
Not my extended family
Nor my sister
I don't know if I'll have children
To think of putting a person on Earth
Who could potentially be
As ****** up as me
Would be cruel and unkind and wrong
That poor nonexistent child
They'll have my genes
My parents' genes
Cancerous and dangerous and terrible
It's so wrong
They could be an addict
Like my grandfather and uncle and me
They could be mentally ill
Depression is a mental illness
Right?
I refuse
As I write this
I only see more reasons to never do
What my parents have done to me
The pain that I feel every day
Is the type of pain
That no other human being deserves to feel
Let alone my hypothetical child
Maybe one day I'll find a cure
To this persistent unhappiness
But until life proves
That things can be made ok
Ugh
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UGH


THIS ANGER

I D O N T
K/N/O/W
W/H/A/T
TO DO
A N Y M O R E

I've hit a hall


A concrete wall