I often wake up in tears but can never explain it
I hate myself in every form & I hate it
sometimes I see myself on this mountain looking back
at everything that’s happened prior getting here
then ask myself, “Why am I still here?” when I feel incomplete
& the only time I vent is in my sleep causing me to cry endlessly
I feel like I’m by myself although I’m surrounded by love
but in the end, would they love me more if I wasn’t here
I bring joy to those I love to hide that I’m not okay
but they have enough on their plate so I remain silent
then at night when I close my eyes & drown in the waterfalls of my sorrows
I wanna be happy but happiness doesn’t come without sadness
& unfortunately, I’m trapped in a world that’s full of evil & madness
I could share my tears with one of my close friends
but who cares enough to keep me from putting this life to an end
I’ve been at war with my own mind since I was a kid
I keep looking for an escape but every turn is a dead end
& I’m tired of calling on alcohol & sleep aid as a friend
If only you knew how many times I’ve driven my fist into a wall
or how many times I’ve tried to consume more than 150 mgs of sleeping pills
still wishing for an overdose cause I don’t wanna wake up again
to face that demon in the mirror that I’ve called my friend
with the only thing stopping me is the pain it’ll cause my mother
can’t bring it to myself to hurt her way worse than the others