What Can I say
I don't relate to most
when i see on tik tok
or in real life
when they talk about mental health
and say well yeah
I had a tough 6 months
or a tough year or two or a few
I wish I could relate
Instead I just think
yes I am healing
and I am proud of my progress
but I wish that I didn't feel sucidal all the time
for pretty much my whole life
when the only relief i got was maybe a few days or a few weeks
on and off
where I am afraid to eat
where my mind races like crazy
where I am tired
but then awake
where things trigger me so much
and I sit there and cry so much
and If i was really present
it would probably be much more than that
where in the past 6 months
since my 26 birthday
I've had to cut off my brothers
"friends" and so many places
because they were so bad for me and
my mental health
while I am proud of me
I wish I didn't have to do all this
I wish more people would understand
I wish I didn't have to feel this lonlieness
so deep
that I have noone to talk
to but the cats and trees
who don't really respond back or care anyways
all I have is myself
and while I am learning to love me abit more
it is still oh so hard.
so yes
the fear aches so bad
it aches in my ribs
and I sit there and I feel it all
healing is feeling
and feeling can be really hard.