I am in a state again
I cannot decide whether I want to press the blade against my skin for old times sake... Catharsis... I can almost taste that feeling again
Or whether I want to grab my chest and rip myself apart for the contents in this heart of mine to spill so I can expose my actual self

My head is filled with a plethora of incessant thoughts of impending doom
Something is brewing inside of me
The visceral part of me knows it will surface
It will happen, I have resigned myself to the fact
The collapse, the one that will be the end of me.