Nighttime
I’m staring through the eyes of a monster
No control
His movements are not mine as he stalks
A victim
She stands there unaware of his presence
Too silent
He’s upon her without a word as I try to scream
Bludgeoned
Brown carpet turns black as she quickly becomes nothing
But a stain
I scream in silence again, helpless as he reveals her form
My mother
Dead from hand and hammer, I want to cry but I don’t own these eyes

He knows I watch because he wants me to see
He’s silent because he knows I’m listening
He acts because he wants me to know

His purpose
To tear down my life until I’m buried in its rubble
Forgotten
In my grave that I must share with his conquests while
He’s building
A teetering tower of friendly familial blood and bone
I must watch
As he goes on to place to place, home to home
Slaughterhouses
They become. Walls repainted red, carpets blackened
My loved ones
Reduced to nothing in several silent sloppy seconds
I struggle
But I can do nothing; I’m a prisoner in the mind of another

I want to scream but these lips do not move
I want to run away but the feet move forward
I want to look away but he makes me see

Flash of light
I’m standing in the middle of the forest
Finally free
I see a light in the midst of the dark dank dead and run
A house
I recognize it but I cannot place it in my mind
Not alone
I look at the road behind me and see the monster I was
Terrified
I just stand; my eyes are liars for what is there cannot be
I’m paralyzed
Fear runs through my veins, chilling the blood and freezing the bone
Knife in hand
The monster moves forth, vicious visage illuminated
My god
It’s me; standing there coming forth like a storm on the plains

He looks like me but my eyes beg it not to be so
He moves like me if I could command my feet again
He sounds like me, I know, though he does not speak

I can move
I end up in his path but he is undeterred
I am nothing
In comparison, I am but an insect trying to stop a dragon
I am begging
Screaming at him, to leave her alone and take anyone else
Who is her?
I know but my muddled mind won’t share the knowledge
He keeps going
So I fight. Strike myself upon the jaw but it is but a pinprick on a god
Fighting
For the very soul of the woman I know not from the devil I have become
Uncaring
The monster just walks until I become an annoyance and he strikes back

His knife is buried in my gut up to the hilt
His eyes are dead, dark reflections of my own
His expression is empty, caring not for this easy victory

Nighttime
I lay bleeding against a tree watching a monster
Forgotten
Slipped from his mind like yesterday’s shopping list
A house
He enters and I hear her scream while I die defenseless
Who is her?
I try to remember but all that comes forth is a migraine, I feel
Bludgeoned
Like my mother at the hands of the monster. A tear falls
My loved ones
Lie in shambles as the final structures of my life crumble
My god
Why must I die here in a tomb of sorrow constructed by myself?

I awaken, terrified, feeling for a wound that never was
I stagger, terrified, to the bathroom, washing my face of the nightmare
I look up, terrified, for I do not see myself in the mirror
I only see that of the monster and I’m terrified
Because he is smiling