I hate waking up to screaming and shouting.                        It makes me feel stressed out and on edge.                                    I just want to hear the sounds of the  sweet birds in the morning have a much more calmer life but my life is anything but calm and  its definitely not quiet.               The mood of hearing all the  anger and fear happening most  night's often really impacts my quality of sleep and my own life.                                                               It made me feel a lot more paranoid.                                          I feel an nervous wreck in the day to speak to anyone. I have very few friends living near me for support to cheer me up and make me laugh but I do always have my family visiting me daily  and I do have my partner and daughter too but when my partner and family are back home I can feel isolated and alone having to manage with all my anxious thoughts in the day and the frightening voices I can some times  hear when I'm feeling really  down which causes me a lot of fear. I always  ignore this. I stand up against it and usually win  distract myself with keeping myself busy, doing my singing and writing helps to take this pain from me too.                        I struggle to visit public places without being with family or being with my partner in case I end up upsetting someone else in the room and being a  subject of ridicule and physical abuse. I had a whole life of being bullied for being different and socially  awkward around other people and whole lot of physical and mental abuse in the last 10 years because I have always been too  soft. I have rarely opened up about my abuse  and got the help I needed.                                          I would always put up with it as I never wanted to upset anyone else I just wanted to live my life without having any drama or hassle.                                           I feel I can't even say  what's on my mind much nowadays.            I can only really share my deeper inner  thoughts and truth to a  selective few  people as I'm too scared to do this with most other people  in case I'm hurt again by someone else but I am stronger than I look and can usually take all this quite well.  Will get there in time just need to recover and get myself feeling better again.