i thought that if i
squeezed my eyes shut tight enough,
the tears would collect
in the back of my throat and i could
swallow them -
wouldn't have to face
their hot,
wet,
attitude.
i thought that if i
left uncovered
a soft, pale collarbone,
the searching for thoughts beneath
that satin skin would
quickly fall away.
i thought that if i
tied down the fist
knocking, knocking, knocking
from the inside of my chest
i could keep it quiet
keep them all quiet
but the knocking never stops
and the knocking
fuels the thoughts
and the thoughts
fuel the tears
and i
have lost
all control