Having an episode…is realizing that you are a disaster
Realizing the existence of the tsunami that you hold back
With your glass walls and hearing them crack
But you have to hold everything in anyways
Or else the bloodshed committed by your hands will be unforgivable
It is having people screaming that you are lovable
But rejecting every single word
Because they do not understand just how much of a monster you are
Having an episode…is realizing that you are destruction
It is seeing hugs, cuddles and kisses in the streets
Dreaming of wholesome dates in coffee shops and stargazing on roof tops
Hearing the words “I love you, I love you too” in movie scripts and love songs
Knowing that you could never have that
Because the love of others can bloom like blossoms in the spring
But yours spreads like English Ivy and thorns that suffocates everything in its path
It’s better to suffocate yourself instead…why attempt to make blossoms for others when someone else’s heart can do it so much better than yours?
Having an episode…is realizing that it is happening again
Seeing yourself in the mirror turn morph someone else
Somehow your world never spins around you
But your world is pulled in by the gravity of others
Somehow the self you are supposed to be spirals into a nebula of mirrors where your reflection is filled with twisted obsessions
It’s to the point where the self you are supposed to be no longer exists
Having an episode…is bolting every time someone glances at an exit sign
Because without them, who are you supposed to be?
If they leave, your world is gone…you are gone
Without them, there is no you
No…you leave first…you need to let them go
Because if you exit first, there is no way you can see them exit
It is splitting a person in two, into day and night
They are both god and demon
The pinnacle of perfection and the lowest of the disgraceful
Their presence is the sun and I am icarus
Their absence is the moon where I am a lone wolf longing for it’s cool warmth
Having an episode…is realizing that no matter what, you are always a puppet
Everything you do, every step you take, every emotion you feel, is all for them
It does not matter how free you feel, no matter what, there will always be shackles on your wrist
It’s funny how the home I feel the safest is filled with chains and bars
It’s knowing that no matter what, there is no way to escape this sentence
There will always be a master, a puppeteer…it does not matter whether they see you as a person or an object at their disposal
You are bound to them and you can’t leave
Episodes…
It is only premier after premier
Pilot episode after pilot episode
Until the screen shatters and the wires are severed, there will be no finale