I had a crazy thought...
not like "**** someone" crazy
but it' s still somewhat crazy.

Like ,
I' d probably have more visitors if I went to jail
but I' m here alone in this apartment with not one friend to stop by just to hail.

Hmm.

I had a crazy thought...
not like "suicide" crazy
but like "What would they do if I die ?" crazy.

Like ,
They' ll probably cry cause I' m gone
but they won' t smile cause I' m here.
Reminisce on the "times that we had"
but what time did we share ?
Probably say things like
"You' ll never be forgotten"
with a cry so tender.
I' ll never forget all those years wondering
if I' ll ever be remembered.

Hmm.

I had a crazy thought...
Not like "revenge" crazy
but like "Then again..." crazy.

Like ,
what would it do to you
you know...
everything that was done to me ?
What if I made you think
your life was in my hands
cause it was fun for me ?
Or
make your battles seem not so tough
and even with your efforts supreme
I' ll make sure of this theme;
"It' s still not enough."

Hmm.

I had a crazy thought...
not exactly
"they' re all the same" crazy
but
I DO recall this pain.
Crazy.

Like ,
you left cause I hurt you.
And yes ,
I AM sorry I did.
But how come you couldn' t stay cause I helped heal you ?
Because I' m sure that I did.
Is there a better man for you than me
ya know one who' s...
"safer" ?
Someone who can fulfill your "Nows"
cause you just can' t wait for later.
What happens when your "Nows"
are gone ?
Will I come to mind ?
Will you be reminded that man
you' ve always wanted
was in me the entire time ?
Did you forget something
or
even a few things ?
Like
the plight
from all these fights
last all these nights
and yet
in spite of
the fright of
this traumitized man...
he' s still trying.
He was barely surviving when
life ,
friends and family
all went by him.
Frightened for his life
cause he was dying.
Crying
cause the heart inside him
was now divided.
Emotional chaos.
Mental riots.
It was never quiet.
****** sleep.
******* diet.
He should speak but he' s silent.
No confidence in confiding
In there mind
"He' s too big ! He' s a giant
there' s no need to pacify him."
They deny that they denied him...

Hmm.

I had a crazy thought...
None of this is surprising.