May 2023
I ask the universe for tender love and care.
The universe brings me blessing after blessing. Opportunity after opportunity. Why am I not satisfied? I realize that what I wish for, is you. Your love. Not just any love. The feeling that you give me in my stomach that says, “how can I resist this?” When you’re around me, my neck hairs stand at attention and my petals begin to quiver. I long for and crave you.
Some people try to tell me that I get too easily attached… I do act this way, but I often wilt when someone kicks me around too much. Eventually I wither away to return a new sprout and bloom, yet again. The problem is that I’ve never REALLY been attracted to anyone the way that I feel pulled towards you. Like other plants among the garden bed, I begin to lean towards you, like the sun.
I have said that I was “in love” before and I have said that “I love” somebody, but I’ve never felt it like this. The sentiment was there, but no electrical spark. I told myself that those were silly, little fairytales - tall tails- even. I think I’ve lied to myself many times over that I’ve had this feeling before and that it will come again. This is all just wishful thinking.
A divine gentlemen comes along and treats me like gold while you fiddle with your fingers and try to avoid eye contact. You overthink and then say nothing. You leave me high and dry, or sober and sobbing. It’s never anything good. You chose to fertilize my garden with invasive weeds and you water the flowers with Coca-Cola. I don’t know why you take action towards my garden in such a filthy manor. You damage me, yet every day I wait for you to stop by and leave a little remnant of something; anything. It’s not fair that one can offer me water and sunshine while I wait for your poison.
And So, I guess that I should not be angry because it is something that needs to be pruned. It is an attachment and an unhealthy one, at that. The lesson that God and mother Gaia are trying to teach me is a hard one to learn. “You deserve more than you pray for. Why are you praying for this thing? What is different about this thing? You must stop praying for the potential that someone has to reveal itself. I have put blessings on your path that will offer you what it is you deserve, but you must let go of what does not serve you.”
I am learning how to trim the weeds and maintain my own garden. I’m learning to keep the pests out. I am learning to grow thorns and protect myself, but still remain delicate and beautiful. I’m learning that I may not always blossom on the days when I think that I will and sometimes; when the seasons are harsh and cold, I must remain dormant.
I am learning how to survive you pouring the wrong things into my garden. I’m learning to extend towards the sun as I grow and not a UV lamp that mimics the sun. I’m learning to stop getting myself tangled in dark corners of the flowerbed. It’s a hard lesson, but I’m learning it. Another day, another lesson from the garden.
The universe brings me blessing after blessing. Opportunity after opportunity. Why am I not satisfied? I realize that what I wish for, is you. Your love. Not just any love. The feeling that you give me in my stomach that says, “how can I resist this?” When you’re around me, my neck hairs stand at attention and my petals begin to quiver. I long for and crave you.
Some people try to tell me that I get too easily attached… I do act this way, but I often wilt when someone kicks me around too much. Eventually I wither away to return a new sprout and bloom, yet again. The problem is that I’ve never REALLY been attracted to anyone the way that I feel pulled towards you. Like other plants among the garden bed, I begin to lean towards you, like the sun.
I have said that I was “in love” before and I have said that “I love” somebody, but I’ve never felt it like this. The sentiment was there, but no electrical spark. I told myself that those were silly, little fairytales - tall tails- even. I think I’ve lied to myself many times over that I’ve had this feeling before and that it will come again. This is all just wishful thinking.
A divine gentlemen comes along and treats me like gold while you fiddle with your fingers and try to avoid eye contact. You overthink and then say nothing. You leave me high and dry, or sober and sobbing. It’s never anything good. You chose to fertilize my garden with invasive weeds and you water the flowers with Coca-Cola. I don’t know why you take action towards my garden in such a filthy manor. You damage me, yet every day I wait for you to stop by and leave a little remnant of something; anything. It’s not fair that one can offer me water and sunshine while I wait for your poison.
And So, I guess that I should not be angry because it is something that needs to be pruned. It is an attachment and an unhealthy one, at that. The lesson that God and mother Gaia are trying to teach me is a hard one to learn. “You deserve more than you pray for. Why are you praying for this thing? What is different about this thing? You must stop praying for the potential that someone has to reveal itself. I have put blessings on your path that will offer you what it is you deserve, but you must let go of what does not serve you.”
I am learning how to trim the weeds and maintain my own garden. I’m learning to keep the pests out. I am learning to grow thorns and protect myself, but still remain delicate and beautiful. I’m learning that I may not always blossom on the days when I think that I will and sometimes; when the seasons are harsh and cold, I must remain dormant.
I am learning how to survive you pouring the wrong things into my garden. I’m learning to extend towards the sun as I grow and not a UV lamp that mimics the sun. I’m learning to stop getting myself tangled in dark corners of the flowerbed. It’s a hard lesson, but I’m learning it. Another day, another lesson from the garden.
