i could buy new clothes and dress up as somebody i still wouldn't like
i could make my bed and clean my room for the second time this week to ignore the mess still in my head
and i could do all these things to improve myself for a future i still don't have a desire to be in

i could try to cry and maybe feel like i've let things out
i could remind myself of the things i'm grateful for as if it cancelled out all the things that make me feel empty

i confide in my friends who might empathize and we could laugh it off together

but no matter what i do,
no one else will be there with me when i lay in bed trying to fall asleep to the thoughts that make me feel indifferent towards the idea of not waking up