I died a thousand deaths
within my heart and mind
I took my final breaths
and left the world behind

I don't let my thoughts wander
within these things for long
I can't let myself ponder
on feelings that grow this strong

I can't look toward the future
nor linger in my past
My heart I must suture
or this day might be my last

I pray to God to take me
I am not afraid to say
Because death might make me free
But here I will stay

I will wait on God
I will try to find a purpose
I will put on a happy façade
and continue in this circus

I don't want to die
But I don't want to keep living
I can't keep up the lie
of the smile that I keep giving

The cracks in the mask keep growing
I am afraid that everyone will see
That the seeds I have been sowing
are slowly killing me.