i-cant** remember the last time i slept
and woke feeling like the day
was going to be something more
than just a continuation of the last desperate
desperation clinging to all these dreams
and promises from people outside of my head
but somehow they all end up in there
with their judging eyes and brows furrowing
at every tentative step taken
towards a life i want but can never seem to track
down to the wire
always coming down to the last
second left before i die
and i dont even want to try to
make-it into something greater than
all the ones that came before
because i dont believe in endings
like i'm some sort of exception to the laws of degradation
in-this-physical-realm we just drift through
unaware of all that we touch and push away
when all i want is to be pulled close and closer and closest
because nothing is worse than being
a little less than fully loved
like whats so ******* wrong with him
that you cant take one more step
if only to see how it feels to become the center
of someone elses existence
and to fill all those hungry cracks
in a soul left over from previous lives of
past-villainy must be the cause
because its easier to blame things that dont exist
than to accept my own responsibility
for the state i'm in and the mistakes
i've made so many promises
to myself only to break them
just to prove that nothing ever comes of hoping for
change occurs first from within they said
as they pushed and prodded and begged
for me to perk up and be something
i'm not ready to listen
because im afraid to look
through the steel grey clouds
and see that all along they kicked because they cared.



© 2013