I don’t think I can be a loser anymore. Aspirations and dreams are just a carrot on a stick in front of my gullible face.  Money, health, wisdom and worth, are all shot. Love is just now lust.  Everyday is a battle tarnishing my brain with delusion and grandeur.  I don’t think I can take it anymore. The worm has spread. Burrowed through decades of hate and disgust, self-loathing and anger. Medication does not help, only deteriorates the burrowing for a couple of months. The worm still moves forward without any hesitation or remembrance of anything stopping it. It just keeps moving.  

It’s probably why I feel cold all the time now. The dark trail, flexible like a shadow, contours and covers my entire brain, changing memories to have a twisted taint coat add a glimmer of despair. My words are short and bitter. No patience to haggle over minor details or to listen to the greener than ever before envy.  

Tried looking for an escape and just couldn’t find one. Hours upon hours of endlessly looking for an inch, finding a deficit. Maybe that is the worm talking. There are those who love me but that just adds to the great fire of it all. Withering away so badly my visage is flailing, fighting more than me, to maintain its composure.

Even now typing this, just right clicking to find what is right, how I should write. Staring into nothingness scrolling on. My hope and dreams are gone. Will I move on? Before the worm is done?